epiphany / jean kirstein

eleven

content warning: graphic violence, mild sensuality

The first time I ever wore ODM gear I was ecstatic. I had dreamed of being a Scout for years, and now I finally looked the part. Well, almost. I still had the Cadet logo stitched onto my tan-colored uniform jacket. Although I tried my hardest to imagine the Wings of Freedom in place of those two crossed swords. At the time, Eren was the only other person who was passionate about joining the Scouts. I knew Mikasa and Armin were joining as well, but they weren't particularly excited about it.

Five Years Prior:

"I can't believe we choose our regiment tomorrow." My voice filled the small corner of the mess hall I was standing in. Mikasa, Armin, Eren, and Jean were with me. I didn't know why Jean was there, he never wanted to be anywhere near Eren.

"I know." Said Eren. "I can't wait to be a Scout. My dream is finally coming true."

I beamed at him. It was nice to have another person who was so passionate about their future. Most people were hesitant about what branch of our military they were joining. Or they were quiet about it. Not Eren, he was proud of who he was going to become. So was I. In fact, Eren encouraged me to be even louder about it than I already was. Some called us obnoxious, or just plain stupid, but he never cared. "Me too. I can't wait to finally meet Commander Erwin face to face." I replied honestly, dreaming about the man who lived in all the stories I've heard. The man who led his troops into battle fearlessly.

Jean tutted and crossed his arms. His annoyance with Eren's passion was clear from day one. He was even more bothered when I became just as enthusiastic. "You're both suicidal."

"Aren't you joining the Scouts too, Jean?" Armin asked.

The tall brown-eyed boy scoffed, and muttered, "I'm only joining because of Marco." The air thickened with tension at his comment. Marco's death was something that impacted all of us, but especially Jean. In our few years as cadets, they had become incredibly close friends.

"Well, I'm glad we're all gonna be together," Mikasa spoke finally, slicing down the storm cloud that had gathered over all our heads.

"Exactly," I said, smile back on. "We're gonna be the class to change things, I know it." I looked at Jean and sent him the most reassuring smile I could. I believed my words, and I wanted him to believe too.

Present:

While Historia quickly became my best friend, Eren was a close second. He already had his childhood friends, so I never expected him to view me the same way I viewed him. Those three were attached at the hip. Always together, always off in their own world. I envied them a bit, I never had that sort of hometown childhood friendship. I had a couple of kids my age I hung out with back in Krolva, but that was mostly just to pass the time. We never really got to know each other apart from playing tag and sitting together in school.

On that first day of training, Reiner had to help me put the gear on. I kept getting the leather straps tangled and losing my grip on the buckles. He was a little older and so mysterious. From a small town he never really spoke about, and two quiet, yet intimidating friends. Okay, let's be realistic here, Bertholdt wasn't intimidating on his own. However, when he was with Reiner and Annie? I was avoiding them at all costs. I never told anyone, but I had a small crush on Reiner for a few years. But he was so hell-bent on winning Historia over that I moved on.

Who has time for boys, anyway?

After making our way out of the floor we were trapped on (and me hitting a Jaegerist in the head with the butt of his own gun for threatening us) we freed all the prisoners. Connie found Commandant Shadis beaten to a bloody pulp, and dozens of our military clad in black armbands. We received an order from Commander Pixis. Those of us who had not drunk the poisoned wine would be given ODM gear. Our goal was to get the invaders the hell off our island.