epiphany / jean kirstein

three

content warning: violence

"Do you really have to come with me?" Jean and I's footsteps were the only noises we could hear at this late hour. My question finally broke our slightly awkward silence. We're headed to the underground cell where Eren is being held. I've spent the last few hours trying to come up with something to say to him. I know what I want to ask, but I don't know how.

"Yes. Somebody's gotta be there to watch your smart-ass mouth." Jean teased. Of course, he's coming just in case Eren loses his shit. But he'll take any opportunity to take a stab at me.

I elbowed him in his side, gaining a snicker in response. "You know, Jeany, most of your insults are really just compliments in disguise."

"'Smart-ass' is not a compliment in disguise... smart ass."

I chuckled loudly and made my way down the last set of stairs. The low temperatures and dim lighting of the dungeon stole any joy that I just had. There were no pretty decorations, no flags with the Wings of Freedom printed on, and no one I'm particularly happy to see.

At the next corner, we would make a left and then be a few steps away from Eren. I stopped walking before we got into ear-shot and turned to Jean. "You're not coming directly to the cell with me." I whispered. "Just stay here, please. He won't talk to me if you're there."

He clenched his jaw before nodding reluctantly. Right when I was about to leave him, he took hold of my right hand and brought it up to his face. It seemed like he was acting on impulse. He squeezed tightly with both of his own hands, and looked me straight in the eyes. No words left his lips, but I know he was trying to tell me to be careful.

I broke my hand away, and placed it on his shoulder. "I'll be okay." With that, I walked away. I wonder if he could feel how hard my hands are shaking. I shouldn't be nervous, it's just a conversation. Plus, I'm sure Eren will be able to sense my anxiousness. I don't need him to think I'm weak.

Once at the cell, my eyes were immediately lured to the tall boy I've known almost half my life. He was sitting on his bed, elbows on his knees, and head facing the floor. He was tapping his foot to the beat of god knows what song. His hair was in a bun, and he was only wearing pants. The floor was slightly wet. Only a day in here and he's already making a mess.

"Eren?" I announced my presence as gently as possible. He sat up upon hearing the noise, and his face remained blank when he realized who it was. I'm sure he was hoping for someone a little more entertaining.

"You're the last person I expected a visit from."

"Why is that?"

He shrugged and looked back down. "Are you here to lecture me or something?"

I stepped closer to the metal bars, leaning against them casually. I don't trust him one bit, but I'm not in danger. "We both know I'm not stern enough to lecture anyone. I'm here to ask the question everyone is wondering." I sighed deeply, and burned my gaze into the back of his head. "Why'd you go all 'lone-wolf' on us, Eren?"

He was still for a moment, before wiping his hands on his pants and standing up. He sauntered over to me. The bars provided little barrier. I lifted myself off of them, and took a small step back. A weak attempt to hide my blatant fear. If I wasn't intimidated before, I certainly am now. "You're a smart girl, Lina. I've known that since the day I met you." He bent down a bit, to look at me directly. "So please tell me if you really think I would answer that?"

My mouth went dry, and my hands stopped shaking. "I do. I know we've never been close. I'm not Mikasa or Armin. But I believe you owe us some sort of explanation. The Eren Jaeger I know would never want to destroy an entire city, or kill innocent civilians. You are a kind, loyal, and determined man. So, please just explain this to me. It's the least you can do."

"I don't owe you shit." He straightened back up, and loomed over me again.

"You kinda do. Eren, not only did you kill tons of people. But so did we, just because we thought you had some sort of plan. And we wanted you back. We didn't want to take that many lives. We did it because we trusted you."

"Who the fuck sent you, Emmeline?" He barked. He was angry now, I need to get out of here. "I could take out this entire fucking building in an instant. Do you want me to do that? Cause I will." Before I could register his words, he grabbed me by the throat with both hands and lifted me up. He slowly tightened his grip while he continued to speak. "Was it Hange? Now that they're commander I'm sure they're handing out all kinds of orders. Or maybe Jean? That arrogant loudmouth could never do anything himself."

The metal bars were pressed hard into my chest, painting black and blue stripes on my skin. My senses were slowly fading. I couldn't hear Eren's voice anymore. If I had my eyes closed, I wouldn't know how hard I was thrashing to get away. I tried to call out for Jean, but I wasn't able to get the volume I needed for him to hear me. My foot managed to find its way to one of the bars, kicking it and making a noise that hopefully sounded like a cry for help. I kept hitting it and making as much noise as I could. Thankfully, Eren was so blinded by rage that he wasn't controlling his volume. I guess he's not a completely different person.

After what felt like hours of thrashing and choking, I heard a voice I'd never been more grateful to hear.

"EREN!" I couldn't see him. My eyes were locked onto Eren's. But with the flood of tears blocking my vision, I only saw a haze of colors and shapes. The sound of a gun cocking made Eren loosen his grip on me. But it was still tight. I stopped moving, I just focused all my energy into preventing myself from passing out. Jean is here. I am safe.

The gun was never fired, an injury would just allow Eren to transform. Instead, Jean grabbed Eren's hands and pried them off my neck. They were both strong. It wasn't an easy fight.

"Get your filthy fucking hands of her." Were the last words I heard before hitting the ground, and breaking into a coughing fit. I could still feel the pressure. I know this isn't something I'll be able to hide and brush off. It'll leave bruises that will last a few weeks. My voice will be hoarse. Everyone will know what happened. Word travels unspeakably fast.

If any more words were exchanged by the two, I didn't know. I felt myself being lifted off the ground. Jean had one arm under my back, and one under the bend of my legs. My head fell onto his chest. He smelled like sandalwood and cinnamon. I was carried all the way back to my room. I don't remember much. I just know I fell asleep immediately.

☆

I woke up with a jolt, the memories of last night's events running rampant in my mind. It took a few seconds to notice the pain in my neck. But when I did notice, it hit hard. I was sore and aching, I felt weak. My attention was brought to a person sitting down near my bed. I had to blink a few times to realize who it was, as my eyes were still foggy with sleep. It was Jean.

"Hey sleepyhead." He spoke upon realizing I was looking at him.

"Hi." I mumbled. "Did you stay here all night?" My voice was incredibly hoarse. I didn't sound like myself.

He cleared his throat. "Yeah, sorry I didn't ask before. I didn't wanna leave you alone after that. Hange has been made aware of the situation. They're not mad."

That's what I was worried about. Jean and I both knew that visiting Eren wouldn't be allowed if we asked a higher up. But he knew how badly I wanted to go. And honestly, I think he did too.

I told Jean everything I remembered. It wasn't much. All I knew was that I didn't get an answer from Eren. Just a bunch of bruises and a little more trauma. That's nothing though. We've all got so much of that shit we tend to overlook it. Causing more issues than we know what to do with. 

1509 words

a/n ok wow i really don't know how to end chapters oops... well anyways hope you enjoyed!!! next chapter should be released in a week or so :)