epiphany / jean kirstein

one

content warning: death, war, violence

play: o children - nick cave & the bad seeds

I'll never know what the War Hammer Titan wanted her first impression to be. Surely it wasn't being beaten into the ground by Eren Jaeger before fully forming. But that's the image that will be left in my mind forever.

I couldn't help but gawk at the battle happening right in front of me. I'm lucky I'm not the only one. If I was, I'd have been shot by now. I was standing on the ground, far away from my squad and definitely not where I was supposed to be. I hadn't seen Eren in over a year, and now here he is, wreaking havoc onto a country I wish we still didn't know about.

The sound of gunshots snapped me back into reality. I engaged my ODM gear and flew off to a more secluded area. I need to find Sasha. I was still on the ground. I figured aimlessly going from building to building would draw more attention to me than needed.

Through the chaos and destruction, I crept through the alley I found myself trapped in. When turning a corner, I ran right into a young boy. I stepped back to get a better view. He was probably about twelve years old, had scruffy blonde hair, and a yellow armband on.

We just stared at each other for a moment, neither of us knowing what to do. I opened my mouth to speak, but he beat me to it.

"Please don't shoot me." His voice came out as a small whimper. I didn't know how to respond to that. A child such as him shouldn't feel the need to beg for mercy. I just blinked slowly, and shot off into the sky.

I frantically searched for the lights we were told to place down. All while making sure no one killed me. The air was thick with gunpowder and smoke from crushed concrete. I've had to fight back coughs ever since Eren burst through that apartment building.

A moving light caught my eye soon enough. But in my path were two Marleyan soldiers. This morning, I prayed I would be able to get through this mission without having to take a life. I see now that my prayers were unmet. Just like every other one.

A heavy sigh left my mouth, and I swung past the soldiers. Shooting them without a second thought. Actually, no, there were second thoughts. But I've trained myself to overlook them. As a Scout, I have to. If I hesitate, someone I love will die.

Four Years Prior:

The sound of the Captain's voice was engraved in my brain. "Don't you dare hesitate, unless you have a death wish of course."

We were just about to infiltrate the underground cavern where the titan inheritance rituals take place. Kenny's leeches were guarding the whole area, everyone knew we had no choice but to kill them.

Everything was moving in slow motion. Flying through the crystal pillars, avoiding bullets, and slashing throats. It felt as though my mind and body were disconnected. I had trust in my arms and legs to do what they needed to do. But my mind was completely blank as I wove through every obstacle.

Until I noticed a woman, pointing her gun straight at Jean. My senses were awakened. I smelled the smoke that escaped after every shot, heard the screams of orders, saw the dead bodies of Kenny's squad, tasted the blood from my lip that I bit too hard, and felt the handle of my blade I was gripping onto for dear life.

"Jean!" I shouted, voice cracking. "Move!" He turned around with wide eyes, just as I slashed the woman across her stomach. We looked each other in the eye for half a second. In that short moment, I watched as she went from an enemy soldier, to merely a person.

Present:

"Holy shit, Lina, where have you been?" Sasha questioned once I got to her and Connie.