𝐅𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 || 𝐊.𝐓𝐇 "ˢˡᵒʷ ᵘᵖᵈᵃᵗᵉ"

030 - Honest

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« Kim Taehyung’s POV »

WHEN WAS IT? That their chirpy voice never bothered me anymore? When was it that I started to wait for her appearance before leaving the class? When was it that we began exchanging eye contacts and polite smiles? When was it . . . that I developed feelings for you?

Was it that day?

The day Runa has club meetings so she left early and you came searching for her in our class. I was the only one left, waiting for you. Most students wouldn’t bother asking me where their friends were although they could.

That day, like the other days except today there were just two of us. You saw me and flash your smile. Then without hesitation, asked me of Runa’s whereabouts. You surprised me. Because even if you didn’t ask, I will tell you. That was also why, I was still there. And when you thank me, my body grew warm, my heart felt ticklish. I am glad I was alone in the class. ’Cause I bet my face is flushing at the fact that you knew my name.

Ever since then, my eyes always follow you whenever you’re in sight. Along the hallway, at the morning assembly, in the school gym, near the club buildings, at the cafeteria and the bus stop. I never felt disappointed when our eyes didn’t meet at these places until I realized, where you are always looking at. Or precisely, at whom. Then I knew, he was the one who has a special place in your heart.

When I saw you putting something into my locker, I was honestly curious. And when I read the content . . . I wanted to believe your confession was for me although I know the recipient should be the owner of the locker on my left side. My selfishness started growing on that day, as I kept the letter for myself and confronted you the next day.

I made a bet with myself that if you were scared of me and denied the letter, I will reject your false confession. However, you genuinely list things you like about me. I realized you do notice my presence around school (besides in class). You also didn’t dislike me. I have something in me that pleased you. So I saw hope between us that’s why I was being selfish again by accepting your false confession.

I was wrong for doing that. As one day is not close to enough from being with you. I allowed greed to take control over me by preventing you from telling me the truth. Although I know you were just defending yourself, still, the video of you admitting our relationship meant so much to me. It was something that I can keep replaying like a mantra making me ‘believe’ you like me too. And I remember telling myself, ‘Not yet. Let’s not part ways after a day together. I want us to stay a little longer.’

I . . . feel bad for wanting something that doesn’t belong to me. For . . . letting greed take over my rationality over time although there are also times I wanted to give up and let you go. But when I heard Jimin visit you, I got scared. I was really scared, suddenly I didn’t know what give up means and ran to you as fast as I could. I cannot give up on you so I tried to win your heart. I believe if I give my all, you will someday be mine willingly.

Soon, I noticed some changes in you and him: You are starting to lean on me while he is starting to take you from me. I should feel happy about you but I can’t. Knowing if this false confession never happened, you would have happily been with him as your feelings were mutual to begin with. I was just a fallen log trapping your way to him.

The talk with Runa opened my mind. Just like Jimin using her to ignite jealousy within you, I on the other hand, used your false confession as an excuse to keep you with me.

At some point, I just have to realize, that some people can stay in my heart, but not in my life.

And today I did. By telling you the truth.