CHAPTER 7, THE FLASHBACKS

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"In the labyrinth of recollection, every turn leads to a haunting memory."

"She was here."
"But how can it be?"

How can she be here? She is gone.

The shadow....
The shadow looked exactly like her...

No...
This can't be happening. I don't like this. This feeling of terror. I thought it was this house. But it's not, it's me. I am the problem. The shadows are following me; it's haunting me. I cannot be saved. My life is defined as this horror happening each second. The voices in my head. The hatred. The vengeance. It's all in my head: it follows me and I can't do anything about it. I am living with it.

Oh... shit!!

It's been almost an hour; I am sitting here and thinking. I heard some sound, so I looked back. It looked like nanny... no! My mind said it was nanny. She was not here, and I have been thinking about that for almost an hour.

I should continue cleaning. I am hungry. I should go out to get something to eat.

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This place, the whole town has not changed much. When the whole world is changing second by second, this small town here doesn't want to change other than having a few new stalls and markets.

I am driving back home after getting the things I want: a few new clothes, essentials, some groceries, and some necessary things to live for almost a month

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I am driving back home after getting the things I want: a few new clothes, essentials, some groceries, and some necessary things to live for almost a month.

I am thinking a lot about Nanny. I thought about the time when she was with me when no one was; I thought about her place in my mind, yes...the place she holds in my mind is almost as dear as the place dad is holding. I thought about our arguments.

I thought about her death.

I thought about Evelyn.

I thought about Mom.

I thought about myself...

I put a pause on my breath. My mind voices... it's telling me not to breathe...

I cannot control the wheels...

Shit...

It's hard to move my body; I cannot move my leg to apply the brake.

I can't move.

I am trying.

Yes...

I stepped on the brake.

I sighed.

Oh my God. It was so close.

My car stopped by the side of the road. So close to hitting a tree.

The chill; it's releasing.

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I parked my car in the garage, took everything I bought, and went inside the house. As I was going inside the house, it felt cold... as usual.

I just want to sleep. I'm tired. I kept the things on the counter of the half-cleaned kitchen. I don't feel like eating anything. I want to sleep; I'm so tired. I went to my room. My legs are shaking, standing still feels impossible to do now. I got inside my room. All I want is to sleep; To close my eyes and rest my body. The moment I put myself on the bed, I closed my eyes.

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( Zelda has been asleep for hours now; her unconscious mind is tearing her apart from her conscious mind. Everything from her past is rushing into her mind: the instability, the fear, the restlessness.

The room is filled with darkness. Zelda is restless; she is still asleep, trapped in a nightmare. She is not dreaming about ghosts or anything; she is just having flashbacks of her own life. The loneliness she felt, the rage she had, the life she lived. She is still young; her life is still waiting for her to live. Her college life is still waiting for her.

She cannot sleep anymore. She woke up from bed, breathing heavily. )

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I am panting heavily; there is not enough air in this room for me to breathe.
I should calm my mind.
I must do something.

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