Shrek's Plastic Surgery Clinic

Part 1: Slippery

Trumper the Humper and Joe the Hoe were skipping through the swamp, giggling and farnting in their pants with every tiny movement because they had very poor bowel control. These two happened to be very, very old and very, very gay, so their very, very old and very, very gay assholes happened to be very, very worn out from years of being very, very old, very, very gay, and having very, very old and very, very gay sex for a very, very long time and for very, very many years, very, very many times a day.

They were skipping together and holding hands, but then all of a sudden Trump tripped and fell forward, hitting his head on the ground but also ripping his pants open in the process. His pork roast ass was sticking up in the air, the wrinkles flapping in the breeze for the whole world to see. But luckily, his whole world was standing right behind him.

On-impulse, Biden whipped out his donkey schlong and immediately got to work. Trumper the Humper was fine with this, because he really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really,really, really, really, really, really, really,really, really, really, really, really, really,really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really liked getting fucked by everyone and everything. Especially the news broadcasters. It was his fetish to be humiliated in public all the time, and to constantly have his cheeks spread on camera.

Biden grabbed a pine cone and shoved it into Trumpy's mouth to stifle the geriatric noises. Turns out the pine cone stopped him from breathing, so he suffocated to death mid-fuck.

Joe the Hoe didn't realize that just yet, but that's okay.

After Joe was done, he rolled Trump's smelly ass over and slipped a spinal disc in the process. He then took the pine cone out of Trumpy's mouth, but his Trumpy-poo wasn't breathing anymore. Oh nooooooo.

Instead of doing the normal thing, Joe wasn't like all the other girls. He started running around, flailing his limp wrists about and screaming like a sissy girl. He ran screaming through the swamp until he came across a small cottage in the middle of it-- and ran into someone's solid chest with enough force to break his feeble nose in half.

When he looked up, he saw that this person was green. He didn't care. He got up, grabbed the person's hand, and dragged him back into the depths of the swamp, where Trumpy-poo's body was.

The ogre analyzed the cruddy body. "He's ugly as fuck," He said. "I know exactly what to do."

Shrek hoisted Donalb up, the body releasing a fart from the force of it being slung over the Ogre's shoulder. Shrek then walked back to his cottage, kicked down the door, and plopped Trump's meaty back folds onto his kitchen table.

Michael B Jordan walked out of Shrek's bedroom and out the door suddenly, but Shrek was too busy to care.

"Do you have insurance?" Shrek asked. Joe nodded.

"I'm the president, of course I do. I can take care of my gummy wummy pookie bear."

Shrek nodded, itched his asscrack, smelled it, and then grabbed a rusty syringe from the sink, which was full of cloth diapers that weren't yet completely washed. Fiona fucking forgot, that damn bitch. He grabbed a jar of mayo with a saran wrap lid with tons of holes in it, and punctured another hole in it to suck some mayo into the syringe.

He then licked the syrjnge, but accidentally stabbed his tongue with it, and then injected it into Donald Trump's forehead. "This should make those frown lines disappear within a couple of days..." Shrek said, his tongue still bleeding and dripping everywhere.

Biden scratched the back of his head... "You know he's dead, right..?"

Shrek's spine cracked and snapped as he stood up completely straight, towering over the president. "Are you telling me how to do my job?"

Biden shook his head. "Ah... N-no... Not at all..."

Shrek shrunk back down a little bit and continued injecting mayo into Trump's cheeks, chin, neck, bloodstream, and directly into the corners of his eyes like a lobotomy. Shrek licked the syringe every single time, by the way.

Then, Shrek flipped Trump over, slipped a finger into the orange man's ass, tasted it, and then grabbed a rusty machete off of the nearby counter where he had previously been cutting up raw chicken. He poked a "small" hole into each of trump's asscheeks, grabbed the tub of mayo, took the saran wrap off of it, and then started scooping the mayo into his open asscheek wounds.

He emptied the whole tub of mayo into just one of the asscheeks, licking his fingers every step of the way, and then got another tub of mayo off of his front porch, where it had been laying in the sun for about a week and was translucent like a jelly-type substance. Like... Lube.

Shrek took the lid off of the mayo lube and started scooping it out of the jar with his bare hand, then scraping it off on the inside of Trump's skin. Eventually, most of the jar of mayo was in there. Shrek made the chef's kiss gesture with his crusty untrimmed fingernails against his lips.

Then, he ran to Fiona, who was sleeping in the next room. He reached down her shirt and grabbed a fistful of her armpit hair, then ripped it out at the roots. He then came back to Trump and kinda bandaged his ass up with the hair as a substitution for gauze, and slimy lettuce as a substitution for the wrap that keeps the gauze in place.

Trump's ass was lop-sided, lumpy, asymmetrical, leaking mayonnaise everywhere, and his dead body was already beginning to smell like a dead body. Biden opened his mouth to speak, but Shrek's armpit hair-covered, blood and mayo-soaked crusty, sticky, smelly finger pressed against his lips. Shrek whispered.

"I know what I'm doing." Shrek winked. "Don't worry that pretty little head of yours."

He flipped Trump back onto his back with a loud squish noise, likely because all of the mayo in his ass-pockets had squeezed out. Shrek then suddenly wiped his hands off on Biden's shirt, grabbed a pair of kitchen tongs, and secured it around Trump's wrinkly pez-dispenser. He winked at Biden again, then went outside. Shrek came back in the house with a copper wire, which he wrapped around the kitchen tongs. He disappeared outside again.

..And then suddenly, the sound of a power generator starting startled Biden, almost making him shit his pants for the 50th time that day. The generator kicked on, which delivered electrical shocks to Trumps's peen.

Miraculously, Trump and his swollen, lop-sided face woke up with a gasp.

"Fake news-- ughh" Trump said. "Holy shit, Joe?? We're supposed to be at a KKK rally right now, what happened??" Trump said in his absurdly sluggish and nasally voice.

Joe's cheeks flushed red. This was the hottest thing he's ever seen, and he was glad that Trump was alive because it would be really morally strange to fuck a dead body.

"Honey, your ass... Is stuffed with Mayo."

Trump gave him a weird look. "AGAIN?? I thought you said I couldn't get fucked by the horses anymore..."

"No... I mean... This man-... I mean.. Creature... Put mayonnaise into your asscheeks. It's a BBL."

Trump nodded. "Ah, okay, okay..." He said, trailing off and feeling a bit relieved. "Does it look good?"

Biden nodded ecstatically. "Hell yes it does! If you weren't still bleeding, I'd pummel your ass right now!"

"Who says you can't still?"

Shrek watched them sucking and fucking, while also jacking his own hammer. Mayonnaise and splooge flew in every direction, and the smell of sweat and rotting corpses filled the room.

Also, Shrek dumped an entire outdoor trashcan on them all, which made everything smell like fungus because this particular trashcan had been stewing in the sun for ages and had brown liquid at the bottom, which they happily drank up.