Drowning in it

Our First Encounter

    The wind harshly blew against the pains of my broken window, the paint chipping and peeling around the frame only getting worse from the rain that had been leaking through the night before, a cold breeze drifting in made it hard and uncomfortable for me to sleep, it made my tears feel so hot on my cold cheeks,
I couldn't explain why I was crying or why my throat was so dry and hurt as if I had been screaming for hours.

      I turn to check my phone nothing new, just spam from a clothing website I put my email into thinking I was gonna buy something, but I was wrong. It was 5 am by the time I decided to get out of bed and make this terrible pain in my throat and my head go away.
Sliding off my bed and crawling to the opposite side of my room heading for a backpack I threw on my floor last night. I sit down in a pile of dirty laundry holding the bag that my whole life was is in.
The strong smell of alcohol immediately hits my nose when I open it, I smile and close my eyes embracing it, I pull a pack of nips out taking them one after the other till I am so incredibly fuzzy I feel nothing but happiness.

      I know how melancholy I sound and how drinking at 5 am was so unbelievably unhealthy but it was how I kept myself alive.
'I've gotta shower' I remind myself i get up grabbing whatever is in the pile beneath me i raise my arms above my head stretching feeling all my physical pain disappear. I lose my balance stumbling and knocking something off my dresser that I will most likely never see again. In my frenzy of trying to make my way to the bathroom I can hear my mother getting out of bed 'Fuck me' I thought to myself this was not going to be a good day.
She opened her door and looked at me "Good morning Stella" yawing in the process,
"hi mom" I whispered in response still trying to make my way to the bathroom.
"Milo told me what happened last night.... How are you feeling?" She looked at me with pity in her eyes, I looked at her slowly, speechless as to what to say, last night was so crazy you can ask anyone and they can give you 10 different perspectives for how the night went down.

      But what happened to me was so depressing I could choke on how heavy the atmosphere was after.
"It's fine mom.., he just wasn't happy anymore and I respect his boundaries, I'm gonna shower" and with that, I turned and went back on my walk to the bathroom running my fingertips against the wall and feeling the slightly uneven surface from where they had to patch holes. This house was boring the walls a pale yellow and the floorboards creaked with every step, the cobwebs that clustered up in the corners of the hallways untouched had always made me a little uncomfortable, but I wasn't gonna do anything about it so why mention it.

      I step into the bathroom and look at myself touching the dark circles around my eyes and taking my hair out of the elastic that was holding it back. I turn the sink on splashing cold water on my face. I turn the shower next on waiting for it to get warm, I watch myself in the mirror getting undressed, my knuckles and my arm were bruised from last night still buzzing from my morning I step into the shower letting the water run down my face and body. I zone out and close my eyes and try to remember exactly what happened last night.

Last Night;

      Loud music booms throughout the suburban house, making the neighborhood seem a little more alive. I walked around looking for my boyfriend who I came with to this stupid party. He left me to get drinks 30 minutes ago, my way there to find him was the most tame part of the night, two people making out with girls who weren't their girlfriends, people doing copious amounts of drugs and other substances, and that's when I saw it.
My boyfriend was sitting on a couch making out with a woman I had never seen before, but she somehow knew my name because her next words were what set me off
"Sorry Stella I forgot he had a girlfriend" she giggled

      Freaking out my now Ex boyfriend stood up pushing her off thinking I was going to do something irrational "Please Stella let's talk about this we don't have to do this here".
I just smiled at him nodding my head I took a deep breath in to hopped up on drugs to properly process everything i threw a punch hitting him dead in the face. I got lucky I couldn't fight or throw a proper punch, I blacked out at that point the rush of the coke from earlier filling me with rage 'Never doing coke again' I giggled to myself. He looked at me with blood running down his face pooling in his mouth and hand I laughed right in his face and hit him again by that time my friends had realized I was what everyone was watching and grabbed me pulling me back and leaving him standing there in pain. After being brought outside I can't remember anything after it was one big blur in my mind...
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