Kiss Me When I Lie [ONC 2024]

1- Badass Computer Genius

~Kya~

"Excuse me. Did you order the large vanilla mocha?" the pretty purple-haired barista asks as she approaches my table with a slight pep to her step.

Before I even have a chance to think, I answer, "No, I had the chai."

I grimace as the barista shrugs and turns to try and find who that delicious vanilla mocha belongs to. She won't find them because that person is me. It is clearly written on the receipt I have crumpled inside the front pocket of my jeans. The thing is, I don't want a chai latte, I want that vanilla chocolatey goodness that is currently making its rounds through the crowded cafe. But she asked me a question and I lied. My first impulse is to always lie.

You would think I'm hiding state secrets or have some horrible traumatic past. But no. My father is a banker, my mother a nurse, and my sister and I had the most boringly normal childhood imaginable. Here I am now, a mostly functional young adult with the respectable career of a junior web developer at a small tech company. I live in an apartment. I even have some friends. And I lie.

I lie and lie and lie. But I try not to.

Words matter.  Sometimes they can even speak louder than actions. My last boyfriend texted me that gem while breaking up with me. He realized he couldn't be with someone whom he couldn't trust at their word. Fair enough. I agreed with him until shortly after I found out he had been cheating on me. Lies might fall from my lips but at least I'm not deceptive.

After I've adequately wasted that poor barista's time, I pull up my big girl panties and run after her.
 
"Sorry! I forgot what I had ordered. That is my drink. I'm leaving for a cruise later today and I'm flustered."

Like Dwight Shrute would say, False. I'm not leaving for a cruise, I'm headed to my 400 square foot apartment where I'm planning on working at my desktop for seven hours and then drinking a few glasses of wine and then passing out while watching TV with Elvis, my cat, nuzzled on top of my shoulder while his tail swats my face.

So, I'm headed to a small space, for a lengthy amount of time, drinking some alcohol, and being uncomfortably nuzzled up to a male. Not too different from a cruise if you ask me. It's not the craziest lie I've ever told.

"No problem. Enjoy," the purple-haired ray of sunshine says as she hands me my drink, unaware of my crazy.

To settle my conscience, I drop ten dollars into the tip jar. While exiting the cafe, I take a sip and let the warmth fill me. Thankfully, the woman wasn't one to give a shit about my vacation plans. If she had started asking questions I would have probably doubled down and continued the lie. If she was someone I knew, I think I would have laughed and passed it off as a joke.

Just Kya being Kya.

But dammit! How many days would suffice for a cruise? I probably can't show my face at that cafe for at least a week and it's the nicest one within walking distance of me.

Unfortunately, my lies tend to only make life harder.

I place my free hand into the pocket of my parka as I face the chilly walk back to my apartment.

My therapist in middle school told me my compulsive lying could be a sign of narcissism. My sister, Calle, had a field day with that one. She complained to everyone who would listen about her narcissistic sister who lies. I may be the troublesome black sheep of the family, but she has always been the attention-seeker.

Speaking of…

Groaning, I place my phone to my ear and answer, not ready to be pulled into the vortex that is my sister.