Raat Akeli Hai

XVIII. ex ki shaadi

anupamaa :

Good evening to my ex husband's wedding.
You would probably say, haww.. Anupamaa.. see you did not even try to save your relationship. Anuj gave you the joys of the multiverse but you couldn't even give him half of what he gave you.

Probably.
And that is exactly why, I would let him go and have what he deserves.
The theme was blue and silver, so I had pulled out my cherished blue saree from the reunion. Devika had personally sent it to me from my house via courier.
She wasn't attending the wedding, due to rather obvious reasons.

I was wearing the saree, matching it with silver jewellery.

The radio played a song,

Jee ve sohneya jee..
Chahe kisika ka hoke jee..
Jee ve sohneya jee..
Chahe kisika hoke jee..

The song strangely resonated with my inner thoughts.
I wasn't claiming to be correct, or perfect, or the wronged one in the brief three years of marriage.
Maybe I was at a little more fault that the counterpart.
But this was probably the best way out, of a rather over enthusiastically made decision, that neither of us thought through.
You could be grown ups and still act like teenagers on love.
There was always going to be me going back to the Shah House and managing their problems, Anuj had known how dependent they were on me.
Yet, he had wished to marry me.

That is exactly why I had such a high regard of him too.
But what I failed to see, was he was only human.
Love makes you claim a lot of things, the age old "mai tumhare liye chaand taare le aaunga" is a classic example.
Obviously no one can get the moon, but people say it because it sounds romantic. Similarly he too promised me undying love and togetherness, when ironically only months later he abandoned me, almost suicidal to live with Choti, by extension, Maaya.

I did not blame him for it.
But somewhere down the line, I wished Maaya had lived. Choti would have had her biological mom atleast, and would never have to develop this insecurity. And he too would have eventually been happy.

Hasti basti rahe woh raahein
Jinpe chalta tu..
Meri bhi galiyon aata.. jaata kal tha tu..

Over the years, I realised, maybe there are no "Prince Charmings". Everyone's just human.
And to believe anyone is "god" or "absolutely perfect" is a myth in itself.
Anuj was a carefree man who had never had to face an actual family with its obligations. He adopted Choti, both of us did, because he wanted to see what a family actually looks like.

I truly did not wish to go for adoption, but how could I deny his wish? The way his heart ached to father a child? He had given me my fairytale and I had to only give him this in return.

In my blinded wish to try and be the perfect wife, the fact that I had a dysfunctional chaotic family behind me was forgotten at that moment.
I might be selfish, I might be terrible, but I could not abandon that family.
I had literally grown up in that house, it was my home. As "toxic" as they were, I loved and respected them.

Everyone except the "ex" Anuj had accused me of caring about, of course.
His words that day were out of anger, but I knew, deep down, that is exactly what he felt too.
Again, natural for a man who did not understand the complexities of families.

I tried really hard to not disappoint either sides. And because of all those promises of love, I believed, or maybe, to some extent took him for granted. I believed even if everyone leaves me, he would never.
He promised!
I forgot, he was only human.