Grief comes in waves. Sometimes the waves come crashing down, but sometimes they lay heavy on my heart filling the empty void with pain.
I think everyone can relate to missing a person, or a thing and they might have been such a big part of their life without even knowing it at the time. But for me, I'm grieving someone who isn't even dead yet. I'm grieving for the one person who is supposed to love and care about me the most. Some days I burst into tears and pray that she's okay. I feel an overwhelming amount of guilt and shame for still thinking about her daily, despite what she put me through. But I don't think it's easy to just forget about something that was so significant to me, and I think that's the same for most people.
Some days I look at old memories, throw my phone across the room and just break down into tears - I truly think that is one of the worst feelings ever. It's kind of like watching your heart burn away in a fire but not being able to put out the flame. Some days it's somewhat fine and others it causes me an unimaginable amount of pain and I regularly mutilate my body to cope with it.
My soul knows the mark my mother has left upon it. She taught me so much, like how to never trust or open up to people. She didn't tell me these things, but she's the reason I learnt these lessons. It will never get easier to think about our history and I don't think I'll ever be able to forget about it, but I just hope that I will eventually become more accepting of how things are.
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Mental Health Journal / Venting
Non-FictionThis is a safe place for me to express my deepest, darkest thoughts to people without being afraid of judgement. I hope that this can inspire people to write about how they feel too because it has really helped me with my mental health. By sharing t...
