Take My Breath | Catnipz

twenty six

The side of my head begins to throb. They don't, and now I've been told that very truth right to my face. "Why didn't you say anything?" I questioned. "We've been at this for months," It has never made sense to me, how we've made our relationship last this far. "If you've known then why bother keeping yourself up in all my mess?"

"It's actually quite simple," she eases my discomfort by intertwining our fingers. "and it starts with how I feel for you," she confesses. "And if I'm being selfish, let this be my chance to be. I won't let you go through this any longer."

I close my eyes in hope of keeping my tears at bay. "I don't get it," the throbbing in my head persists, though more violently than before. "you knew and you kept it a secret. But why?" I never felt more confused than I am in this moment.

"When you first showed up at my doorstep last year, I knew you'd be something special," Her eyes glisten under the restaraunt light; tears pooling and threatening to fall into her own lap. "You were dressed in your gear, and I swear you had your shirt inside out," she laughs. "You introduced yourself and I find that you've already met my parents. And that's where our story begins. It all started that sunny afternoon, and tonight, our magic is soon coming to its end."

The waiter catches my gaze and walks away for the second time tonight. "Do we have to end it?" I remember it all like it was yesterday. I'd driven to her house after an afternoon of tireless practice under the sweltering heat and the burning sun.

Mason was out of town on her parent's business trip. She'd be gone for weeks and I was all alone. I promised I'd be on top of my game and spend it with my team or with friends, but I didn't care for that much. I knew that I missed her most, and nothing could rid me of that feeling; not until I'd walked through Mavis's front door for the first time, and leaving knowing it wouldn't be my last.

For the first time in years, I made a special bond with someone new, someone brave and unexpected. Someone I didn't know I needed.

Mavis was a breath of fresh air, and for what it was, she filled the void that had been in place of the person that had been there all along, unbeknownst to me or to her or to anyone.

"But we do," Mavis croaks out. "it's not fair. This has to end, MJ. Or I'll be selfish. But you don't deserve to be locked up in my shackles." She adds. "You deserve to be with who you really love, and as much as it pains me to admit, that girl, in there," she points to my heart. "It's her."

It always has been. I just took too long to realise it. But it came to me all in due time, but not in the way that I wanted it to, in between two girls I knew I'd break and choose. It felt sinful.

The tears course down my face like an overflowing river. "I never meant to hurt you."

It hurt to watch myself break someone's heart in real time. It felt illicit and dehumanising. I remember the very first week that I made myself comfortable to Mavis; telling her about everything that came with me and introducing myself to her parents who 'just knew' I'd be perfect for their daughter from the moment they saw me: it all happened from that very day.

It all traces back to that very day on the field. That is where it all started; my impending doom underneath the red sun and in the eyes of the two girls I've caught myself in. It all ties together.

"You remember it don't you?" She looks at me like I've mended her heart. But it's not like that at all. She's acting strong and confident. Mavis is too damn kind for me and this cruel world we live in.

"I do." I answer back weakly. "Like clockwork."

"It was my first day after transferring from another school. My parents were walking me around campus like I were ten and confused," she rubs her thumb against my dorsal and smiles. "and by the field, under the hot sun, in between a crowd of grass covered girls, there you were."

A soft chuckle rolls past my tongue. "I looked treacherous. Don't say I looked good."

"You were there," Mavis smiles. "in all glory. You were tall and beautiful. You were so strong and you led your team beautifully. My parents thought you were the perfect girl for their perfect daughter," Her tears course down her face, eyes red and cheeks flushed. "But there she was too. On the bleachers. I thought, 'she's got a fan!'"

I nod, laughing. "Always my biggest fan..."

"If you told me that day that my parents would set us up, I'd think you were high as a kite."

"I don't do drugs." I take a sip of my untouched wine. It tasted cheap and concerning. "Ugh."

Mavis wipes her tears and nods. "Of course not," she tilts her head back and fights the tears. "But you have something special. With Mason," she adds, looking back at me now. "You need to tell her. I can't stress that enough, Mara. Please."

I hadn't realised that my headache had vanished somehow. "Why do you say that like you know something that I don't?" Is there something I should know that I don't know about? Secrets?

"You'd be shocked."

"In a good or bad way?" I ask.

Mavis leans forward and pecks my cheek softly. "It'd be best if you found out yourself," she says. "In the meantime, there's someone who wants to see you. Think you can spare the rest of your evening for them? Don't think too hard though."

I turn my head to see the one person I'd been dying to see: Mason, in all her goddamn glory.

"Mason."

Mavis stands from her seat and presses a kiss one last time on the top of my head. "Get you girl, love. Don't let her slip away this time..."

"But—"

Mavis takes her purse and shakes her head. "Talk to her. Invite her in. Before she disappears."