Take My Breath | Catnipz

seven

𓄼 Mara Jace Kim 𓄹

"Don't call me that." Mason turns away and walks back into the cabin. "You know better..."

I follow her nervously into the bedroom. "Mason, what are you talking about?" I don't understand why she's acting this way. "You're confusing me."

She turned around with haste. "Really?" She laughed. "I'm the one confusing you?" I start to feel uneasy as she looks at me with a sharp gaze that tells me that she's actually being serious.

"Are you implying that I'm the confusing one?"

Mason rolls her tongue against her cheek and shrugged. "I can't do this. I don't..." She raised her hands above her head as if she was ready to surrender. "Mara. What are you doing to me?"

I feel my brows knit together closely. "Love, I don't know what you mean..." My voice trailed off. "How did we even get here?" I questioned. "Last night was amazing and all of a sudden we're here and you're acting so cold and..."

Mason holds a hand against her forehead as she took a deep breath. "I know. Last night was amazing. I don't have the heart to lie about that. I had so much fun with you last night and..."

I watch her turn away from me. "Baby..."

Mason shook her head. "Please stop." She uttered. "I don't think you even realise what you're doing, Jace. It's hurting me..." My head felt like it was seconds away from exploding into pieces.

I take two steps forward and I wrap my arms around her waist. "Please tell me what I did..." I rest my chin against her shoulder. "You know how much I hate it when I hurt you. I can't do that to you. Not again. You don't ever deserve that."

Mason closed her eyes and sniffled. "I just hate this so much." She cried. "You have no idea..."

I pull her closer. "Just tell me what's wrong. I'll fix it. Just tell me and I will. I'll fix this. I promise. Just tell me what I have to do and I will." I cooed.

Mason squeezed my hands and sniffled. "Just promise that you won't ever leave me, Jace."

I feel a tear course down my cheek. "I won't. I don't have the heart to do that. I won't leave."

The emptiness in my stomach grows deeper. Like it had formed a bottomless hole that would eat me whole. "Then say it. That you promise."

I press my lips against her cheek as I nod. "I won't ever leave you, Mace. I promise." I feel an ache in my chest as I feel the words slip past my tongue.

I mean it. I do. I just pray to all the stars in the sky that I won't break this promise. I don't want to be the person that breaks her heart. I don't think I'd have it in me to forgive myself if I do.

The thought alone scares me. Breaking her heart could mean more than just hurting her; I could lose her. In this life I hardly fear anything...

but it would be a lie to say that I don't fear losing her. I would simply choose to die than break her own heart or lose her entirely. I love her that much. I would do anything to make sure that I never do; it's always going to be her against me.

I would even choose her own happiness before my own. If that'll keep her away from the hurt then so be it. I would sacrifice anything for her.

I break away from my thoughts when she turns around and looks right at me with red eyes. "I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you..."

I feel my heart shatter into a million pieces. I don't know how we got here or why we're hurting each other like this. I can't fathom it. Where did it all go wrong? What happened to us? I can't help but overthink that I did something to upset her.

I think about last night and all throughout this morning. I can't come up with anything. All I can muster is a soft shake of the head. "I don't think I'd be able to handle it if I lost you too..." I can't help but let the tears fall. "But I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here. I'm all yours, Mace."

Mason stands on her tip toes and pressed her lips against my forehead. "I hope you mean that." She said softly. "Because I'm wholly yours...even if you don't know what I mean. I am utterly yours."

That's the last thing she said to me before she walked out of the room. I turn around and watch her walk out the front door and out onto the steps where she takes a seat. What does she mean by that? I'm utterly yours...

It runs through my head over and over again like a broken record, like a scratch on a disk, like lyrics to a song that I can't get out of my head.

I'm utterly yours.

I'm utterly yours.

I'm utterly yours.

I'm utterly yours.

I hear it over and over until my head starts to ache. What do you mean? And why do I feel like I'm already breaking your heart? I feel like the air is being squeezed out of my lungs as I watch her sob into her hands. What did I do, Mace?

My heart feels like it's close to imploding. I can't come to a conclusion that's good enough to explain the episode that's playing in front of me.

Have I already broken her?

What have I done?

Did I do something? Say something?

Does she have any idea that my heart is breaking too? I can't bear to watch her cry. But what right do I have to hold her when I seem to be the very reason for the tears she sheds.

I feel like the world around me has started to collapse; any moment now will these walls fall apart and break down in front of me; all while I watch her from afar; as she cries into her own hands. And all I can think is 'what have I done?'

A never ending battle between my mind and soul. I wish I could turn back time and relive the beauty of the night; all the warmth and comfort.

What I watch before me is sad and pitiful. If this happens to be my doing, am I even deserving to be in her presence? Can I stay by her side?