Take My Breath | Catnipz

four

MEMORIES run through my mind like a record. I remember it now—this place. Cabin 9; better known as The Haven. It all comes back to me like song; as if it were lyrics that were buried deep within the crevices of my soul. It's been a year since I last stepped foot in this place; for good reason. 'I don't ever want to be back here!' I still remember the feeling of anger that bloomed profoundly within me. There's a reason why I hate parties—hate might even be too kind of a word. I loathe, detest, dislike, and abhor the idea alone. The word alone repels me greatly.

Mara rubbed her hands together as she walked over to the fireplace. "What are we doing here?" I don't realise how firm I sound until she turns around hastily. "You know I hate it here, Mara."

She took a short stack of split logs onto the grate and placed kindling around and below them. I watch her avoid my gaze for a mere moment before she turns back to face me. "I know." Mara replied—short but definitely not sweet.

"So what are we doing here?" I feel a chill down my spine as a soft breeze comes in through the hole in the wall. I know why it's there in the first place and God I hate being here. "Mara Jace."

I realise how pent up I am about this whole situation; how I've never been able to peacefully move past it. Her full name slips off my tongue like it's my favourite melody. How it's so easy. I find myself calling her name more than usual.

"Tell me why we're here." I feel my voice start to weaken. I can't help but feel like I'm on the verge of tears. I absolutely despite it. She doesn't look at me. Mara Jace remains still with one knee on the floor as she watched the flames rise slowly.

"If you don't have the energy to explain then I am perfectly fine with finding my own way out." My vision starts to blur as tears well in my eyes. I could barely make out my surroundings as the tears begin to form a pool, creating a foggy environment where all I see is distorted images of colour all around the room. I don't know where she is—or if she's still by the fireplace. All I can think of right now is everything that happened that night and how badly I wish to leave.

I take a small step back; if I manage to find the doorknob I can get the hell out of here and leave. I don't know how I'd manage with how dark it is; it didn't even fully hit me that we were in the middle of nowhere; far from the city and the suburbs. If I could just find this damn door...

It didn't take me long to find the handle. A deep sigh of relief washed over me as I got ready to turn around; all until I feel her warmth against me. That ill feeling soon disappeared and immediately formed into something familiar yet foreign. "I'm not letting you leave, Mace." Her hands grip my waist. "Do you know how dark it is? I wouldn't let you leave all on your own anyway. You just have to listen and hear me out."

I ran my hands through my hair. "What reason could you possibly have for bringing me here? You know how much I hate this goddamn cabin, Jace. You know that better than anyone!" I let the tears course down my cheeks as she holds me tighter than a mere moment ago. "Tell me."

Mara rests her chin on my shoulder and nods. "I know you do. And I do know that more than anyone. I wouldn't take you here if I didn't have a reason to. I know it leaves a bad taste in your mouth but that's one of the reasons why..."

I inched forward and turned my body around so we're face to face. "What kind of reason is that?" I wondered. I feel childish for even having such a distaste for Cabin 9; but here I am anyway.

ʚɞ

The scent of booze and cheap cigarettes fill my nostrils as I navigate through the bodies of people I hardly know or are complete strangers to me. I realise how severely out of place I am; how I mustered the courage to bring myself into this weak excuse of a social gathering that's meant to be more or less 'my social debut'. I hate how uncomfortable I feel right now; different emotions crawl up my skin as I see the most outrageous happenings at the left and right of me. I just want to go home and sleep; to rest my head against my pillow; to be in the security of the four walls that keep me safe and sane. I don't know if I can handle any of this any longer than I already have; but I need to. None of my friends are here; not in my field of vision anyway. I hate to be that party pooper that every house party is bound to have but I feel sick to my stomach and for once I'd like to put myself first.