SAR ASCENDANT / Book 1: Incursion of the INDEN

Chapters 33 to 35

Chapter 33

"This is crazy. Jax and I can't swim," I point out.

"Willow's already been on the water in this, so it's not going to sink," Jona responds. Always the optimist. He pushes the boat from the rock ledge and steadies it with his hands. He is up to his waist in the water. "Besides, I can swim, remember? We just have to make sure you and Jax stay in the boat. In you go."

I guide Jax. He quickly finds a seat and I follow him. Jona pushes us out into the lake, hoisting himself up at the same time so that he seems suspended in air. He lands lightly in the bottom of the boat and grabs an oar. Not for the first time I note how strong he is, and I think, there is something to be said for farming as a life choice.

The water pulls us away from the land. Quickly. My stomach turns a little.

"Grab an oar, Sar." Jona encourages me and pats the hard, wooden slat next to him.

I reluctantly sit, take the other oar in my hands and we start to move them through the water.

From the front of the boat, Jax says, "We're going in circles."

Jona stops pulling on his oar, looks at the land, the water, the boat. "Jax is right. What are we doing wrong?"

"You are pulling the oars in opposite directions," says Jax.

Jona and I look at each other. Eyebrows like rainbows. His mouth spreads wide. His first laugh is tentative. I laugh back. Jax laughs too. We journey into the place where laughter hurts, until there is an eventual soft coming down through labored breaths. We look at each other, shake our heads. It is the kind of hurt that feels good.

"Shall we try again?"

We eventually get it, though we are now out in the water and the shore seems too far away, and there are swells that rock the boat from side to side. I stop rowing and grip the edge of the wooden seat. I am okay in the city, where danger just hangs out, okay in the BotMart, where danger lurks behind the door to Guro-man's office, okay flying through the sky in a PassDrone, okay in the orange. I am not okay on the water. My stomach is pierced by that sudden realization and I begin to throw up, retching over the side, watching tails of vomit swirl away through a purplish dusk until I am forced to guess what happens to them. It scares the hell out of me.

"Let me do it," says Jax, and he rises from his place, begins to step towards me.

I wipe my mouth on my sleeve, lift my eyes kind of shamefully towards Jona. He is nodding, "It's fine to feel like that. I remember the first time I had to go into the fields by myself. Just five years old. I was supposed to check on a Bot that was non-responsive. I got lost. I just lay down on the ground, curled into a ball."

"Touching," I say, and immediately regret my response. "Sorry to be callous."

Jona is already reaching for Jax, helping him step towards us. Something happens. We are rocked by a wave, or Jax steps on something and loses balance and I, dizzy from tossing the breakfast I never had, lose focus.

Jax is out of the boat. He is in the water. Jax screams. His scream stops.

Now I begin to scream. I rise, see only bubbles on the surface. I scramble, reach for the opposite side of the boat, intent on pulling myself out, following Jax, reaching for his hand, sliding into the purple dusk like the swirls I just committed to memory.

"No!" shouts Jona. "Let me!"

That's the last word I hear. I can't stop myself. I'm gone. I'm over the side.  Somehow I know to hold my breath. I curl into a ball. I start to sink. What the hell? What the fuck? I am just fucking angry. So, so fucking angry.