Worth: A Star Wars Story

//DAILY LOG 574: UNSEALING...

//DAILY LOG NUMBER: 574

//SUBJECT: LOYALTY AND BROTHERHOOD

I have a few things that I always try to impress upon my cadets, and one of those things is the importance of brotherhood and loyalty. There aren't many things that will keep you alive nearly as long as that when you're against an impossible enemy, and it's in those bonds with your fellow troopers that you find strength and purpose.

At least I did.

The Empire doesn't seem to want to focus on that aspect like the Republic did with us Clones, but I still find ways to make them realize that teamwork makes the dream work... which was always a little harder for cadets like Shiny.

I had to come to terms with the fact that a lot of these cadets were coming from all over the galaxy, and working together was a foreign concept for many of them. Shiny was no exception to this rule. He was a loner by necessity, and from what I managed to get out of him about his days on Corellia, it was how he managed to keep himself alive for as long as he did. Still, once I started to get through to him, he's been making some pretty amazing progress on that front. He's shaping up to be a right good leader if he would ever give himself the chance to be. He always hits me with those same lines - "Oh, I don't really want to lead", "I'd be a bad leader", "You've seen my leadership assessment scores", and all sorts of other nonsense that I can't be bothered to write down because that's exactly what it all is: nonsense.

Funnily enough, whenever it comes down to it, there is no one who has come through more for his squad when they need someone to really throw down and be a leader that the squad needs. Shiny is a special case, and I'd be lying if I were to say that I wasn't feeling a certain level of protectiveness over him more than I do some of my other cadets. He's a good kid with real leadership potential, and considering some of the officer's I've seen coming out of the Empire, well...

We need all of those good leaders we can get.

And I resolved to drag Shiny there kicking and screaming if I had to.

The other day, I found him sitting there in the academy study hall, head jammed into a tech manual of some kind. He reminded me a lot of Tor with how he had his brow knitted together, staring down intently at the diagrams for the new DLT-19s and I would occasionally see his mouth move if he found something of note. I made my way over and pulled out the chair, and I straddled it and folded my arms across the metal back. He never even looked up at me as I saw him flip the page and start analyzing the firing mechanism diagrams, eyes glue to the pages like there wasn't anything else in the world. 

"Manual that interesting?" My voice made him jump, and he looked up at me with those grey eyes of his giving me an annoyed look that made me chuckle more than what was warranted. "Ah, come on, kid! Don't be mad at me."

"You need to stop doing that," he shook his head and looked back down at the manual.

"Do I?"

He raised his eyes again and rolled them, but I could see a tiny smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Yes."

"Yes...?"

"Yes, sir."

"There we go," I leaned over to get a better look. "Practicing for practicals?"

"Certs. I want a heavy weapons designation," he sat back and rubbed his eyes with his fingers. "If they fill up on Walker crews, I want to be able to do this instead."

"Not interested in Transportation?"

"Getting blown up moving around big, expensive rocks isn't my idea of a good time,"  he crossed his arms and finally gave me one of his signature Shiny half-smiles. "What brings you here, Cap?"

"I signed you up for a leadership assessment."

His smile dropped and he looked like he wanted to hit me with something big and heavy. "You what?"

I sat back and mimicked his posture, "Yeah. I did just what I said."

"No," he uncrossed his arms as quickly as he crossed them and held out a finger towards me, "no, no! I don't want to get squad leader certified. Absolutely not."

"And why not?" I asked as he pushed himself up and moved away from the table we were at. I was watching his reaction, and I had expected it to be strong, but the absolute panic that he was keeping under the surface surprised me.

"Because leading people isn't what I do," He turned to me looking pretty angry. "You know that!"

"I know that you're better at it than you think," I watched him a little longer before I stood. "Just trust yourself. You'll do better than you think."

"That isn't the point!" I was surprised that he actually snapped at me. He even seemed a little surprised that he had, too. "I..." he paused and sighed, "Look, I just... I don't want to be responsible for my classmates lives, alright? I don't want to make those decisions."

That made me smile, and I could see that it confused him. I walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, "And that, Shiny, is exactly why you should."