It All Started with a Lie

Chapter 26

She nods, releasing a breath. "Then fight for him."

I don't know how to.

She turns on the big light before she shuts the door behind her, so I am not left in the dark but it does nothing to soothe the solitude of my home. I am alone. I have no one left, no friends. I have lost them both and I am utterly alone.

So I dance, the only thing I have left, the only thing that will never leave me.

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Richard's words haunt my day. Fight for him. Why should I fight for him? I have fought for everyone else, I am exhausted from fighting. Am I truly that hard to love?

Isn't it time I stop trying to find love from people who don't want to give it? He doesn't want to love me, of course he doesn't, I am inconvenient to love, I am his sister's best friend, and I am loud, and bossy. He said that he loved that about me. How could he have been lying?

If I do not fight for him, I will lose more than just him, I might lose Richard too. But I do not want to spend the rest of life imploring my husband to care for me. My stepfather has spent his life hoping my mother will one day reciprocate his feelings. I don't want that life. I want to be loved without asking, easily, like it is second nature.

I join my team, yes join them, because now that I am a ΒΣΞ woman I get the luxury of dancing beside the rest of my team. It is bitter sweet, because while they compliment me on my form, there is a bitterness to their words. They are only pretending to like me, but it is better than their usual hostility, so I will take it.

While I'm dancing is the only time I can put aside my emotions and focus entirely on the movements of my body, not a single other thought in my head, and it is glorious. But the moment I stop, my mind wanders to Klaus and Richard and I tell my brain to shut up and let me dance.

I dance half of practice with my team and they actually acknowledge me, ask for my input. They don't listen to anything I say but it is a start. Then I dance the last half with Peter. My teammates even bite their lips to refrain from scowling in jealousy when I leave to join him. I'm sure when I leave they say something terrible behind my back but nothing they say can bother me now because I am one of them.

Peter and I make idle conversations as we rehearse our finished routine. We showed Coach last week and she adored it, said it conveyed much more emotion than the original, and told me that if I play my cards right, I could have a summer position with the local theater.

I put all my emotions into the routine, focusing on getting it perfect, controlling every single muscle in my body. I don't focus on the fact that when practice ends I cannot call Richard like I usually would to talk to her about our days. And I will not meet Klaus for dinner, or head back to my place with him. I will be alone, as things are always meant to be. Born alone, die alone.

Except I was not born alone. And yet I will still die lonely, in a house too big for one. But if I am destined to be alone I will do what I love and I will be exceptional at it. I will get that summer position at the theater.

We finish up and Peter and I part ways to get dressed, planning to meet at our usual spot so he can walk me to my car before meeting An-Mei. It doesn't take me long to change and I beat him back to the foyer, which is packed with my peers, in line to see the school's band play.

Now that I am alone, and stationary, I think of Klaus as I always do, he consumes my thoughts. I don't know what to do. Beg him to stay or let him leave. I won't force him to love me. But I can't imagine a world where we truly hate each other.

As I am contemplating, footsteps approach me and Emma stands before me, with a stretched on smile. "I know you hate me, but I need you to trust me," she says through clenched teeth forcing a joyous expression.