It All Started with a Lie

Chapter 25

She wraps her arms around as tightly as she can, cradling my head to her chest, as if she hopes that if she holds me tight enough it will stop all of the pain. I wish it would.

With frantic breaths, I cry against her, my tears staining her shirt, and she brushes her fingers through my hair, whispering that it will be okay. "It'll be okay, whatever it is, we'll get through it, I promise."

Her words do not soothe me, because how can things ever be okay? She wouldn't say that if she knew the truth.

"Te quiero, mucho," she is holding me so tight, her arm quivers, her muscles threatening to give out. "Everything will be okay."

Then why does it feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest?

———————

Bea wipes my hands with alcohol once more, it does not sting nearly as badly as the first time. She lathers the cuts with antibacterial cream before wrapping them in bandages gingerly. She is as gentle as Alexandria was after I got into a fight. I release a breath at the thought and the movement causes Estrella to stir in my lap.

I am lucky I did not break my hands, but they are still in pretty rough shape. Bea insisted on going to the hospital but I refused. We can't afford a bill like that and nothing is broken. So she bandaged me up herself.

"Do you want to tell me what happened now?" She says as she secures off the bandage.

I don't even know where to begin, what to tell her, but I decide I have to tell her. No more lies. I can't do it.

But I also want to tell her, because she is my sister, and the one person in the world I know can ever help me put the pieces of myself back together, so I tell her everything.

I tell her about the fights, and how I can't control my anger sometimes, how I feel like our father. I tell her about how much I hate the frat, that I dread seeing my so-called brothers everyday. I tell about how I paid for her surgery, which she scolds me for before starting to put the dots together.

So then I tell her about Alexandria, how I slept with her before I even knew who she was to Bea, how I couldn't help myself even after I knew, even though I knew it would hurt her. I tell her how I fell in love with her, that I didn't mean to, that I was going to tell her about us today.

I tell the story from start to finish.

And then I tell her about the video, how I ended things, and it is only then that I see her heart break, her eyes dimming, her bright smile nowhere to be found.

When I am done I can't look her in the eyes, afraid all I will see is disdain and the pain I've caused her. She says nothing, just takes everything in, thinking it over. Finally I can't take the silence anymore and ask, "Do you hate me?"

She sighs and takes the spot on the bed beside me, leaning her head against my shoulder for reassurance. Estrella takes the chance to sprawl out between the two of us. "I could never hate you."

A weight lifts off my shoulders and I can finally breathe normal again. "I'm sorry," I croak.

She sits up, brushes a strand of hair behind my ear and smiles. The room lights up with the sight. She doesn't hate me. "I guess I have a confession," she begins, laughing nervously. "I kinda already knew."

"What?" She knew? Since when? For how long? How long have I been sneaking around her back and she's known?

And then it hits me, the only way she could know. "Ryder told you." I should have known he wasn't going to be able to keep his mouth shut, especially when it came to Bea. I suddenly respect him a lot more than I already did. He really loves her.