Lies My Parents Told Me

Chapter Thirty-Seven

**Trigger warning** 

Sang

As I was sitting in the dark pressed against the back of the wardrobe I came back. I felt the burning pain in my ankle and the ache of my cheek. Running my tongue along my teeth I felt a sharp spot. He must have chipped a tooth when he hit me. My head was thudding. I didn't want to be back I didn't want to be here. I had an overwhelming urge to run, to get out. My heart kept racing as my mind told me to leave as quickly as I could but then it would dull and slow and I would wait. I was terrified of still being here when He came up. Terrified he would find me, but hysterical about what would happen if he caught me trying to run. My heart-beat so loud my head throbbed along with it. My ears range straining for any changes in the noises outside, listening as hard as I could for any signal that he was coming for me. There it was the creak, that meant someone walking in the hall. Relief followed by another spike of fear calling out for me to run. The heavy thud of his boots on the wood. I squeezed my knees to my chest my cast biting into my skin. Smaller. Why couldn't I be smaller. The groan of the bedroom door and the squeak of the hinges. My breathing was shallow my eyes seeing spots in the darkness, the hairs on my arms and legs raised to goose bumps. I wanted to shiver but I wasn't cold. Just afraid. There was s shift in the light. He was in front of the wardrobe. A shadow fell over me and I did shudder. The door flew open and I tried, my adrenaline pushed me, I scrambled back then tried to move past him.

He grabbed my hair and pulled me out. One hand so deep in my hair it touched my scalp the other on my shoulder biting into my collar bone. I felt my collar bone bow and flex under his fingers. My voice betrayed me and I let out a high pitch squeal as the bones in his fingers bent my collar bone further inward. My legs scrambled frantically I didn't know why but my body kept trying to move, to twist, to escape even when I knew it would be worse if I did. The carpet of the rug was rough on my bare leg and my side as I was dragged along it. The hand in my hair moved. Pulling chunks out at the roots, burning my scalp, spots of fire all over my head. Tears pooled in the corners of my eyes. The now free hand moved to my forearm, crushing it to my side, with the grip on my shoulder and arm he was able to lift me. My legs dangled, my toes curled touching the ground, seeking something to grab onto. My hands weren't working. They were pressed into my hips wrapped in the bottom of my shirt holding me together. I hit the mattress and the hand on my forearm moved pulling at the collar of the shirt. I heard the fabric rip. Second time tonight, the sound echoes through me like a gunshot. Something changed. My hearing was echoing. My eyes were spotty like tv static filling my gaze. I heard the sound of a belt unbuckling. It was like me face was doused in ice cold water. I felt the cold travel down my face. My lips tingling. Fizzing. My ears rang with squealing sounds that grew muffled. My eyesight blackened in from the edges. My field of vision getting smaller as the cold travelled further down. My heart has been racing but now it was barely beating. A shadow moved above me and

***

Its odd realising you can remember things. There was nothing, then a sudden fast forward feeling of becoming aware. Like the lights turned on again and I was back. The narrator in my brain took stock of the sensory input I could suddenly feel. My eye was tight and cheek swollen. My eyelashes pulled where the blood had dried. My ear was pressed into a wooden floorboard. It was gritty and hard. My collar bone must have been broken because my left arm was hanging and my chest was on fire. Every inhale shot pain through my neck, shoulder, arm and hand. Ribs hurt. Breathing hurt. I felt it catch when I breathed in, like I wanted to cough but couldn't. My lungs crackling on each inhale. My mouth tasted of metal. Blood. I wasn't sure where from. My lip? My tongue? Somewhere else? My stomach was tender. The knee not in a cast was sore, raw carpet burn? My shin and ankle in the cast ached. I had no idea how long it had been since my last dose of pain relief. Several sore spots on my thighs and my narrator stopped there – bruises. While I was taking stock I hadn't registered sounds or smell or sight. There was a lot of room under my bed. Gabe had pulled me under a bed. Slowly I moved my right arm up ignoring how sore parts of me were. My inner monologue skating past the burning I felt. The arm reached under the bed. I used my arm to army crawl. I pull myself towards the gap. My toes pushing. Shooting pain through my legs. The movement shooting more pain through my left arm and chest, making me nauseous, or maybe that was my head. It was still throbbing to my heart beat. My hip hit something fabric. My bag. The bag had Tylenol and maybe a water bottle. I stopped my army crawl and moved my arm to try and reach the bag. I wasn't moving my head to see where it was and I couldn't work out why. Everything was sharp and bright but also dull and muted. My brain was skipping like a rock on a pond. Trying to understand what was happening and trying to not think about it. My eyes flickered. I was tired. I closed them.