The Beautiful You

Forty - My Heart is Buried in Venice

February 18th.

I watched the people backstage scramble to find their places as the show went on. The music was a bit muffled by the heavy curtain blocking us from the main stage. Usually, I like to listen to the other bands play, but tonight I felt off.

Just the sound of the speakers was making my head pound, and making me feel nauseous. I've never felt this nervous to play.

I felt...sick.

If this is what stage fright feels like then I hate it. A little bit of nerves was normal, encouraged, but this was overkill.

A little disorienting.

I blinked a few times to get my vision back in focus.

I peeked through the curtain and scanned through the crowd. It was a decent sized music lounge, it was also one of the most popular live music spots in the city. A lot of local and small bands play here, so I thought I'd be more excited than nervous.

I guess it has to do with the fact that no one I know is in the crowd.

April said she would try to make it.

I told my Mom she could come watch us, but she had the condition that she had to bring my dad.

I said no.

Mei and Lee were pissed off with me, so that's a no brainer.

And Amory hated me.

"Apollo," Shawn said.

I withdrew from the curtain and nodded at him. He smiled and pointed towards the crowd. "How's it look?"

"It's packed," I said.

"See anyone?"

I shook my head. "Nope."

"I'm sure they'll come," he said, patting my back.

Suddenly, he pressed the back of his hand against my neck. Caught off guard, I swiped his hand away.

"What are you–"

"Apollo, you're burning up."

"It's fine. I'm just nervous," I said.

"I get being nervous but this looks more serious than–"

"Shawn, I'm good. Promise."

He rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged, taking my word. Shawn didn't ask questions, that's another reason why I liked him.

"Boys, we're up." Ken wedged himself in between us and smiled. He was a little too excited for my liking, but at least he was confident.

The backstage crew were guiding us towards the stage as Shawn started explaining everyone's cue, and what to do if we fall behind tempo. Live performances were always a mixed bag, so we tried to cover everything in rehearsals.

"Apollo," Shawn started. "If you start to feel sick, just walk off. Kenny can handle the vocals."

Ken tilted his head and stared at me. "What's wrong with Apollo?"

"He just looks sick."

"Oh." Ken squinted his eyes at me.

I shrugged and stared back at the stage.

Ken began, "You don't have to–"

"I'm fine."

The stage lights were bigger than the ones in the school auditorium. The heat was also 10 times more intense, and the lights were blinding. I could only see the first few rows in front of the stage, any farther and it was just blurry bodies and black masses.