a glimmer of hope

34.

Season 6 x 07
Imminent Risk

"hello?"
"cassandra"
"speaking, who is this?"
"astrid"
"as in the one from berlin?"
"yes"
"hi"
"hello, cassandra"
"i have found peter"
"peter quinn?"
"yes, i've gotten him out of the psychiatric unit"
"where is he now?"
"in the morning, pack up your things and head down towards us"
"where are you?"
"i'll text you the address"
"okay"
"i understand you just had your baby?"
"that's right"
"get some rest then, cassandra"
"okay" i nodded
"it's no hurry, peter and i will be here at the house"
"is he okay?"
"a little out of it right now but in the morning, he'll be fine"
"okay" i smiled
"i'll see you then, cassandra"
"thank you, astrid"

i finished changing avra's diaper then, dressed her in a new outfit.
my sister was doing up the dishes leftover from breakfast.
i swung my bag over my shoulder.
"wanna dry your hair?"
"it's cold out, it might freeze on your way home"
i shrugged "i'm fifteen minutes away, i'll dry it when i get home" i smiled
"well, it was nice seeing you" nadia smiled
i wrapped her in a hug.
"and my little niece is so precious"
"she is, isn't she?" i grinned
"i'll be in the bronx for about a week but you can call me"
"i guess this visit was well planned"
"it was" she smiled
"alright, i better get going
"love you, cass"
"i love you too, nad" i waved
——
when i got home, i opened up a suitcase throwing everything i could find in it. everything from toothbrushes, to 3 month old baby clothes was in this suitcase.
i didn't know how long this visit would be.
i packed a box of diapers in the car and avras stroller.
then, i went back inside and changed into a pair of stretchy pants and a long sleeve, throwing my coat back on, over it.
i slipped on a pair of shoes and strapped avra into her car seat.
she had just been fed and burped, so i hope this ride would be a good nap for her.
in all honesty, i didn't know what i was doing. i didn't know how long i'd be gone.
all i knew was that i needed to see quinn.
the last few days had felt crazy. like my whole entire life was turned around.
it was.
being a new mom was hard enough. with all these feelings though, i didn't really feel anything. i just needed to take care of my baby and get though the day.
my phone rang, so i picked it up.
"cassandra"
"hello?"
it was carrie.
"i can't help you anymore"
"the neighbor reported me and my daughter is taken away"
"what?"
"i can't talk to you but you're on your own now"
"i'm sorry carrie"
she hung up.
what the fuck.
——
i was about thirty minutes into my car ride when i got yet, another call.
"hello?"
"cassandra?"
"this is she"
"it's dar adal speaking"
"dar" i smiled
"are you headed to peter?"
"i am"
"good"
"did you get him out?"
"as a matter a fact i did"
"that makes more sense"
"why's that?"
"i got your flowers"
"ahh, yes"
"thank you"
"i'll see you at the house, cassandra"
"okay"
dar adal.
part of me wondered why he sent those flowers.
how did he know that i had my baby? how did he know quinn was missing?
i guess, he always knew. he was ducking dar adal.
i kept on driving. driving down a long rural road. my legs and stomach ached. i guess i'd been doing too much for a woman who just had a baby.
i didn't have much of a choice though.
———
it was an hour later, i drove up a long road and pulled into a driveway of a lake house. even though it was only the early evening, the sun had already set.
the baby slept like a dream throughout the car side, only once i had to stop and change her diaper.
i got out of the car, wrapping her in a blanket.
then, i knocked on the front door.
astrid opened it up. the same german, astrid from berlin a couple months ago.
"cassandra, come in" she smiled
"this is your baby?"
"yeah" i nodded
"she's beautiful"
"thank you" i smiled
she pointed behind herself "peter's just in the living room"
"dar adal called you?"
"he did" i nodded
"i was the only way of getting him out"
"so, this is a secret sort of thing?"
"i don't know a lot of the details"
"i don't really know anything" she shrugged
"how's he doing?"
"the medication wore off"
"he's doing better"
"wants to go back home"
"dar adal should be arriving shortly to talk to him"
"thank you, astrid" i smiled, wandering over to the living room.
the house was huge, gorgeous too.
quinn was laying on a couch with a blanket wrapped around him.
"cass" he smiled as i approached him.
he had a puffy eye and a cut on his cheekbone.
"they told me you were coming"
"yeah" i smiled
"avra too"
i took a seat next to him, running a hand through his hair.
"i wanna go home"
"shh" i hushed
"can i hold her?" he whispered
i nodded my head, putting the baby in his arms.
he looked at avra, stroking her face, then looked up at me.
"is it true that dar adal brought me here?"
"i think so" i nodded
he shook his head
"it's gonna be okay now" i whispered.
——
i put the baby down in a bassinet, sitting on the couch with astrid now.
peter went outside for a breather.
he was watching the water, out back.
"i think dar is here" astrid said
she had just woken up a few minutes ago.
sure enough, dar walked in the room.
"where's peter?" he asked
"outside" astrid pointed
"hello, cassandra" he nodded
"hi" i smiled.
"i'll go talk to him" he added, walking outside
astrid went with him, leaving me alone in the dark room.

it was about a half an hour later. astrid went upstairs to sleep. quinn sat back on the couch. he had been silent for the most part. just thinking, looking at the ceiling.
"is it true that carrie forced the doctor to wake me up?" he whispered
i looked over at him.
"yeah"
"you didn't stop her?"
"i couldn't" i whispered.
"why?"
"it was a even playing field"
i shook my head "i wasn't your wife"
"so either the three of us had a choice"
"i told them the effects but carrie didn't care"
i shook my head.
"i knew it's not what you would've wanted"
"she needed to find out where that doctor was"
quinn shook his head.
"dar wants me to stay here and live a normal life"
it brought me back to that letter i read..
quinn didn't want the normal life.
"he's trying to take down carrie"
i looked up at him.
"carrie left weeks before you woke up"
"after you had your brain bleed, i mean"
"i was so mad at her"
"everyone was slowly coming to terms of losing you"
"except for her"
i shrugged my shoulders.
"and i'm sorry i couldn't stop anything"
he shook his head, hooking an arm around me.
"you know, that day, i read the letter you wrote me before you went to syria"
"dar gave it to me"
he looked at me blankly as i wiped a tear away from my face.
"i felt so guilty because in that moment all i wanted was you again" i smiled
"i'm so sorry"
he pressed his lips into my forehead, i laid my head down on his chest, wiping another tear away from my face.
god.