War POV:
Yin went home after our breakfast and said he'll pick me up at night. Once he was gone, I started to think about all of this. I was glad that I was alone so I could process things and make up my mind.
As usual, my memories started to play in my head day by day. Where did I go wrong? What could I have done differently?
I was so afraid of the outside world. It always seemed cold and unknown to me. When Force tried to know me slowly, it made me happy. I thought maybe I could get over my fear of the people on the outside world with him.
He just proved my fears right though. Once again, it seemed like it was not an option for me to find someone who could get me.
The definition of normal has changed so much for me over the years.
I used to dream of a guy that I could fully trust, who trusts me the same. Someone I could laugh with or cry with. Someone who could understand all of my trauma and the bad sides of me. Someone who could help me overcome them little by little. At the end, we could be happy together.
And that seemed normal. That was my normal.
It was a different story when I got older.
I realized my endless patience and my smiley face got mistaken as naivety or weakness. When I dated, either I got played by someone that trusted my naivety for not getting caught or I got these crazy Force kinda guys that never trust me and go crazy at the end.
My 'normal' shaped into a timeless solitude. I was happy with my cats, my dog and my, few but sincere, friends. I cut the unnecessary people out of my life and I steered clear off the guys.
That was okay for a long time.
I don't know what pushed me to try dating after all these years. It wasn't easy. I didn't open my heart to him completely either. Now that I saw that ridiculously bad side of him, I was actually glad not to give him a true chance.
However...
I wondered. What was my normal now? The crazy guy who just came to my place, waited probably for a long time and just jumped on my friend violently... Was he my normal?
I was a simple guy. I didn't know how to fight battles. I didn't own battle fields. I just wanted to live a quiet, happy life without too much drama.
Was it too much to ask?
Did I not deserve happiness?
Did I not deserve any trust?
I decided to become alone again. I knew if I never tried and never get hurt, I could never achieve greatness... but for now, I just wanted some peace and quiet again.
The only thing bothered me with that decision... was Yin.
I got too comfortable with him. I got too familiar. Too close.
The relationship between us suddenly deepened without I could realized it first.
I was getting along with him... Somehow. We were really different, but we get each other in some way. We laughed together so much. He was really attractive for sure.
All of a sudden I got into a panic mood. My own thoughts were disturbing me so much, I really wished my brain had an off switch.
I needed to stay away from him for a little while.
How was I supposed to do that when we were going to a musical together in few hours?
I decided to spend this night with him and then I was going to put a serious wall between us.
