Friday Night Dinner's

11.

(Brittany's POV)

"San..." I get up off the couch, but she instantly takes a step back. I can't tell what she is thinking, all emotion removed from her face. "No, don't take another step." the tears are brimming but she won't release them. "What...is...this?" she repeats slowly, holding up my diary. I don't know how to begin to explain the headspace I was in at the time, why I wrote those things. I freeze on the spot, I don't want to move, I don't know what to say. This is a real living nightmare.

"I love Santana's eyes....I love Santana's smile....I love how Santana protects and defends me....I love the shape of Santana's lips....Santana can make me feel like I am the only person in the world...When I kiss Santana I hear...fireworks!" Santana stands and reads out just a few of the things I wrote down, losing her cool with each sentence. "D-Do you love me? Is this what this is?" I snaps. "San, please...just calm down." I try to soothe her. "CALM DOWN! HOW AM I MEANT TO CALM DOWN! YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND AND YOU ARE WRITING THINGS LIKE THIS!" she cries. "Can we just sit and talk...please!" I beg, tears filling my eyes. "I-I don't even know what to say to you right now. I-I can't even look at you." she throws the diary down on the floor and runs off. I make the split second decision to follow her. 

"San...Santana, please!" I call after her, but she storms down the hallway to her room, she tries to slam the door in my face but I stop it with my foot. "Leave me alone Brittany!" she cries out. But I ignore her request and follow her in. "Are you deaf!? I said leave me alone." her face is all red in anger. I just want to explain and put things right. "Just hear me out okay?" I plead. "No, everything is different now." she cries. "No it's not, please just listen." I beg.  She starts frantically throwing things into a bag. "Where are you going?" I ask as I watch her. "Gia's. My girlfriend, who I love." she says, wiping her tears away aggressively. Like she is mad that she is showing emotion. "Don't leave" my voice cracks. "Yeah, you're right." I let out a sigh of relief. "You should leave." she snarls. "Wait, what?" I ask, not sure if I have heard right. "This is my apartment, you leave." she says. I know she doesn't mean it, she just gets mean and snappy when she doesn't know how to regulate her feelings. "I am not leaving Santana and neither are you. You deserve an explanation to all of those things." I take a cautious step forward towards her bed and move her bag to the side to sit on the edge. "Let me explain." I say, tapping the spot next to me. 

(Santana's POV)

(A few minutes earlier)

"Shit!" I curse as I see Brittany's diary knocked on the floor, it's opened up face down. I don't particularly have the urge or want to look at it. But as I go to close it and put it back on the vanity I notice my name scribbled down several times. Do I look? No I can't...it's her diary. I go to put it back, but stop myself again. But I am in there? Why am I in there? I don't think I have done anything untoward. No no no...I can't betray her trust. But I am so intrigued. I stand and have a battle with myself over what to do. One tiny Quick Look can't do any harm right?

'I love Santana's smile....'

'I love Santana's laugh....'

'I love how Santana protects and defends me....'

'I love the shape of Santana's lips....'

'Santana makes me happy whenever I am around her...'

'I love how I can truly be myself around Santana....'

'Santana can make me feel like I am the only person in the world....'

'Santana knows me better than I know myself....'

'Santana makes me smile when no one else can....'