Pity Party (Post-apocalypse AU)

Chapter 4- Distance.

It had been a few weeks since the group had moved to The New Frontier, and everyone seemed to be settling in well enough. Ruby started working as a nurse for Eleanor and Lingard, Omar and Aasim began working in the kitchens, and Louis started working at the school with Kate. Violet would help with general labor duties, repairing walls, clearing out buildings, and general maintenance. The smaller members of the group were put into schooling and were allowed to help with some smaller manual tasks, tending to the gardens and planting vegetables and grains. 

Whereas Clem had been assigned a higher-up duty, vice-president of security and search parties. Javier knew he could trust the girl. She had done this many more times than he had after all. However, he didn't quite understand the repercussions of giving her such a big job. The stress, the worry, the weight being put on her shoulders. hslp.

Most of her day was spent, making maps, setting out routes, ensuring the right people had the right equipment and the right plans, and filling out journals to document where had been scavenged and what they found or who they found. She'd had many leadership roles in the past, but there's only so much a teenage girl can handle before she snapped.

She had begun distancing herself from her friends, drinking almost every night, burying herself into her work in attempts to avoid sleeping, avoiding the quiet, the overthinking, the nightmares. All she did was work and drink, constantly.

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"So we're thinking about taking a few members and going on another scavenging trip, we don't need anything in particular but it's always good to look for food, water, seeds, medicine, the usual. Try and see if there's anywhere we haven't looked already, Clem." Javier said, leaving the girl to work in peace. 

The brunette let out a deep sigh, grabbing her map and surveying where she needed searching. She could barely concentrate on the work, her head throbbing from the previous night. However, she did her work, found a new location, got a team, their equipment, and instructions, and sent them on their way.

By the time she had finished, she had no energy left in her to work. So she snuck off, snagging whatever liquor she could from previous scavenges (She'd keep a few bottles in her office, just in case). She shoved the bottles in her backpack, going off to a quiet spot to drown her feelings. 

For the first time in her life, her priority wasn't survival or keeping those around her safe. That always occupied her mind, always kept her focus. The constant anxiety and fear kept everything else out. But without that, she had to find something else. She couldn't cope otherwise. She couldn't cope with the lingering sense of worthlessness, the constant reminders of her failures, the memories of all she had lost.

She knew that their apartment would be empty, seeing as the boys were at school and Violet was at work. She sat down on the couch, opened one of the bottles, and took a sip. She knew she couldn't drink too much, but she could have enough to give her a buzz, enough to keep her mind occupied.

"Clem?" She heard a voice speak, causing her head to flip up from the bottle and onto the blonde in front of her. "What the hell are you doing here?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Vi.. Hey, no, yeah, I'm just... Having some alone time, y'know." The brunette spoke, breaking the eye contact.

"Yeah. All you've had is alone time recently. What the fuck is this about? Everything is perfect here. And all you can do is distance yourself and drink and be fucking miserable all the time!" the blonde shouted. 

Clementine didn't know why, but this struck something in her, something angry. "You have no fucking idea what I'm going through, and all you can do is stand there and judge me." The brunette spoke, standing up and looking Violet straight in the eyes. "I'm..."

"you're what? literally what Clementine?! We are safe here, we don't have to be worried all the time about walkers or being bit or assholes wanting to kill us! How can you be unhappy here?!" The blonde shouted, glaring at Clem.

She never called her that anymore, just Clem. Never Clementine. She stayed quiet, her fists balling up. "I'm sorry." was all she said, tears welling up in her eyes. She didn't know what to do anymore, she was breaking. She sat back down on the couch, covering her face with her hands.

"Clem... C'mon, don't be like that" Violet spoke, sighing heavily. She walked over, sitting next to the brunette. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you. I just... This place is perfect. We're safe here, we have productive jobs and the boys are getting an education. We can be a family here.." She said softly, placing a hand on the girl's shoulder.

Clem shook her head, trying to wipe the tears from her face. "That's.. That's not it... Here, it's amazing, it's perfect, but I'm... Here, I have to stop and think. I have time to do that. My mind isn't constantly occupied by surviving and protecting those around me." she mumbled, her lip quivering as she held back sobs.

"I have to think about all the people I've hurt, all the people that have died because of me, all the fucked up shit I've done.." She just needed to speak, she needed to let it all out. "and so I started drinking, I'd go to the bar at night, and then it wouldn't stop, so I started drinking during the day. and I pushed everyone away and now you hate me and I don't want to fucking be here anymore!" she shouted, her whole body wracking with sobs.

The blonde didn't know what to say. She spent all those years inside walls, protected from what mankind had turned into, she didn't have to kill, she didn't have to defend herself or others, and she didn't have to see so many people die. She wrapped her arms around the other girl, pulling her in close.

"What is.. one thing you've wanted to do? always wanted to do it, but this bullshit apocalypse got in the way?" Violet asked softly. She didn't know what else to do, so distraction it would be. 

"I..." Clem thought for a moment, sniffling as she wiped her face. "The only thing I've wanted to do is go back home... Back to my home," she said shakily, looking up at the blonde.

"I'll make you a deal then. You start talking to me, stop drinking as much. And I'll make it happen. We'll go back to Georgia. We can see your home." Violet said with a smile, wiping the girl's tears away with her thumb.

The brunette smiled, slowly nodding. "Okay... Yeah. That sounds like a plan" she said softly, planting a soft kiss on the girl's lips. Maybe she could get better. Maybe everything could be better, with Violet by her side.

(work count- 1202)

(I ended up revising it bc I felt like it was a lil too angsty, but I'm happy with this ending, and hopefully, clem's wish will come true)