If only...

36. goodbye

"okay, I'll start packing my luggage and call a taxi."
I said that and left the table, heading upstairs with heavy steps and I could barely stop myself from sobbing and crying.

"There's no need for a taxi, I'll give you ride."
Mon said that in a cold voice behind me to stop me, and all she did was  I nodded in agreement and then continued on my way to pack my luggage.

Less than an hour later, I came down with a bag containing my things. Moon was in front of the TV, sitting on the sofa, and she had already changed her clothes. Apparently she was excited to get me out of her life.  She looked at me to see if I was ready, then she went upstairs and came down, then took her car keys on the table.

"so... are you ready to go?"
She asked me while looking at the keys in her hand and avoiding looking at me.

"Yeah...I'm ready."
I said that in a weak voice and tears began to escape to show that I was leaving by force.

"I'll call someone drive your car to your house later. Don't worry."
Mon said that while she was fastening her seat belt and starting the car's engine.

"It doesn't matter....I'll send someone to pick her up later."
I said that and turned my face toward the window and allowed my tears began to fall, I felt that everything was meaningless and that I had already lost her with no hope of ever getting her back. 
The road was quiet and neither of us dared to say a word.

"I forgot to send you my address."
I said that in a weak voice after I realized that I had not told her the address because I no longer lived in the same apartment that I owned while we .... we were together.

"No need, I know your home address" Mon said that coldly as she focused on the road, while I looked at her questioningly without understanding. 

"I'll take you to your family. You still haven't fully recovered and it's not a good idea for you to be alone."

"Mon, please stop the car and let me take a taxi. I'm not going to my parents' house in this miserable state and receiving bullisht that I won't be able to handle.... My plate is already full."
  I said that annoyed while looking at her. 

"As a friend, I ask you to spend some time with your family until you regain your full health, then you can go wherever you want...You still have a cough and a slight fever, and you need them to take care of you.... No matter what you are going through, you will not find anything better than your family warm embrace... listen to  Someone who has not seen his mom and lost his father weeks ago."
Mon said that seriously and with an unusually warm voice while still focusing on the road. I could feel the sadness and pain in her voice and the sincerity in her intention. She cared about me but still sent me away from her. 

"You don't hate me and you still care about me, but you still refuse to give us another chance!!... please stop doing that "
I said between sobs as I looked at her.

"You're sick because of me, and I'll be worried if I don't make sure you're with people who can take care of you."
Mon said that with sincerity, without back and forth.

"There's no need for you to feel guilty because I'm sick and I'm willing to do that over and over again for you.... because i love you and I will say it again  and again until One day you will be able to hear me"
I said in a weak voice, resigned to what was happening because I would never be able to refuse any of her requests, even if it meant staying with my parents for days.

For a moment, Mon reminded me of my old self. I used to do the same thing.... When I was with her 5 years ago, I felt like I wanted to hug her and just be near her. I was worried about her and didn't even want to see her frowning, but I was constantly denying it, and as a result, I lost her because I wasn't brave to say what I felt, on the contrary, I made her regret and feel disgusted by what she felt towards me. I cursed myself and hurt the girl who loved me sincerely and purely.