Rogues

Chapter XLIX

Our eyes interlock once more. The beautiful grayish blue of his eyes contrasts widely against the red from crying. And I swear that I saw those same eyes falter for a second before breaking right of me as tears formed and he started crying. My heart breaks on the spot and I move in to hug him, not caring about getting wet. He latches on to me like a little monkey as he cries harder against my chest. I've never seen him act like this. Whatever is troubling him so much must be very important.

- I don't deserve you. – he says sobbing. My eyebrows furrow, taken aback by his comment.

- Of course, you do. –

- No, I don't. – he sobs harder.

- Cal, I love you. Why would you say that? – I ask concerned, caressing his wet hair.

- You shouldn't. – he says, separating from my chest and controlling himself a little. His eyes are swollen and red. – You shouldn't love me... not after what I did to you. – he says.

- What do you mean? – I'm confused, I don't understand what's happening.

- I need to tell you something, you deserve to know the truth. – he speaks, regaining some composure. I'm looking at him expectantly. – After rejecting Alaric's proposal to marry Nymeria, my father kicked me out of the house. – he starts explaining.

- Oh, baby, I know. – I admit openly. I'll apologize to Maya later. – Is this why you're crying? Because you're mad at your dad? – I ask. His eyes shot right up, astonished.

- What? No, well kind of yes, but that's not what I was trying to tell you. Who told you ab... it doesn't matter. – he quickly says.

- What is it then? – I speak calmly.

- I ended up spending the night somewhere else. – he continues. – I was a mess; I didn't know what was happening and I felt like a total letdown. It's not an excuse for what I did, but I just couldn't think of something else. – he speaks dreadfully. My Goddess, what did he do? Please tell me he didn't cheat on me, I started panicking.

- Of course, he did, what kind of person would be in love with a killer? – Klyn's voice whispers in my head, making everything so much worse.

- Either way, the next morning I went to speak with Alaric. I hadn't slept and I was feeling like shit, but I still went. – he stopped to breathe. A wave of relief washed through my body. Thank the Goddess he didn't cheat.

- Okay? – I say confused, not sure where the conversation was headed anymore.

- I accepted Alaric's offer. I was going to marry Nymeria. – his voice breaks again, and I can smell the shame reeking off him.

It was like someone punched me in the gut, I started feeling dizzy and couldn't see straight. My stomach dropped and I felt an immense sensation of throwing up. As I looked him in the eye, I could tell that he was telling the absolute truth. He was... he was going to leave me? The mere words revolted in my stomach like acid. The air in my lungs was suddenly not enough at the realization that we were almost nothing. There it was... the final piece to the puzzle. I had no idea why Dyrus challenged him to a duel, but now I do. Caleb almost left me...

- See? He just wanted to get rid of you. You're a killer Nathan, an unlovable murderer. – his cynical whispers echo in my mind.

- What? – I whisper at a loss of words.

- It was a stupid decision; the worst decision in my life and I regret it completely. – his eyes water again, but he refrains from crying. – I've been meaning to tell you, but every time I was about I just... couldn't. I know I don't deserve you, but I'm in love with you and... I don't want to lose you. – tears start falling.