Breaking the Ice | ✍🏼

25. Tell Me What To Do

Were they even a family to me anymore? I didn't know. I didn't have anyone to tell me what to do anymore, and that made me feel a little lost and confused. I needed some form of guidance in this situation, but I had never had that. I hadn't had in so long. Basically since Riley and River. "Understandable" was all Alistair responded with, as my body sagged in relief when the arm I had needed, wrapped around my shoulders. 

"What are you thinking about, pretty girl?" no one had ever called me pretty, and it caught me off guard that someone like Angus was saying that to someone like me. His best friends little sister, for crying out loud! This felt wrong, that I seeked comfort from him, after bantering with him for so long. And almost hating him. 

It feels like time has passed so fast, but yet so slowly, when I look in detail at the past two weeks, and think about what has happened. I have lost family. Found family. Nearly lost my brother. Watched a hockey game. Ran away from home. Met Angus Armani at a dock where I used to go with my older brother who isn't my brother anymore. It's scary, truly. 

"I don't know" I huff out a breath, unsure about everything that has just been spaced out in my brain, on a blank piece of paper. I just needed someone to tell me what I was doing here. What was even going on here. "So, why don't you try and tell me about it?" he stretched the o in so, making me laugh a little, but as quickly as it came, it was gone. 

I looked to Angus first, seeing a small smile on his face, with a mixture of concern swimming in his eyes. No one had ever scrutinized me the way he was, right now. "I guess I just don't know. Everyone else seems so easily to be fitting in with one another, but I'm just here, standing on the side line, unsure of what to do. I don't know whether he is my brother or not, and I don't know what to do with the information if I find out he lied or if it is actually the truth" 

I paused for a minuet biting on my tongue, before I continued. Angus didn't feel the need to say anything to fill the silence either. "I think I'm just scared of the change that could happen. Like, I don't even think it has fully set in that the people I had called my parents, are not my parents, and now I have brothers knocking on my door, wanting me to just easily let them back in when I barely remember my own childhood being nothing but shouting and shutting out everyone around me. I don't know how to share my own feelings" 

This whole gasbagging like feeling felt like it usually did. Usually, as a child, whenever my so called parents had yelled at me, I was quick to vent out in anger to one of my best friends. Sometimes it was the two of them. They had been the two most solid people in my lives for years, but now, I wasn't so sure. 

With everything going on in my life currently, I had almost forgotten to talk to them. I felt the immediate regret come to life, and I felt awful all over again. "Ana, whatever you are thinking about, you should do it" I had always seen and heard people reading one another, but it had never happened to me. I had made sure of it, but now with Angus, he made everything confusing. I just put it down to the medication messing with him, but he had taken me home that night and brought me to his hockey game too. 

So, I slid my phone out of the back pocket of my jeans, realizing it was low on percentage, but I quickly typed out a message, to the two girls that I needed the most in my life right now. I don't know why, but maybe seeing some old but familiar faces that I loved and adored could really help me, and tell me what to do. It dawned on me, when I saw the group chat, that we hadn't texted on here since a month after they both had left, Hayley for boarding school and Avery to follow her sisters fashion for a year, while Ethan, her older brother had stayed with family here for his hockey career. 

Gossip Girls 💃🏽🙇🏽‍♀️

Ana Banana 

I know you probably don't want to hear from me, but I just need to see the two of you, as I am in some real need of help right now! I am having family problems, and I need the two most important girls in my life, here with me. I have missed so much and need the two of you. 

Hay Hay 🩰💄

Hey girl, 

Never doubt that the two of us would never want to hear from you. We have been updated from our brothers about your brother and Angus, and understand completely. How about we meet at a cafe tomorrow morning for some breakfast? I think you need to get away from the two boys and we can help you out. 

Avery Barlow

I guess we can do that. I still don't forgive you for forgetting about us tho, but I completely understand where you are coming from and what has been going on

-

I knew where Avery was coming from though, but for her to point it out the way she did, hurt a little. I didn't mean to forget about them, but they never reached out either. There is two ways in a friendship though. When the two of them had moved away, I had found it easier to keep in contact with Hayley, as it almost felt like I had grown apart from Avery.

It was hard to connect Avery as she always spending time with her older sister, and I had lost mine, or the one that I used to have. I almost felt like I was burdening her or brining the mood down when I was still mourning my sister and she still had hers here. "Did you do it?" the voice brought me back to reality, and I sunk into the arm that had wrapped around me. 

I was to tired for discussion, just nodding my head and nestling into Angus more and more. It felt better, sitting here and away from the stressed room next door. Angus silently wrapped me more into him, if that was even possible, and turned on the TV, filling the silence that had fallen between the two of us. Maybe I could get used to this, more often. 

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thoughts? xx

what do we think of the message conversation? I have seen it in other books, and I wasn't sure how the formatting would work, so please let me know if you like it and I should use it in more of my books, instead of leaving it out and doing phone calls, if you know what I mean. Please let me know what y'all think