Stella

Chapter 2

Often times when I thought of love, what it looked like, or sounded like, or felt like, I imagined an experience that wasn't my own.

If audible, it was a song. Something Camila Cabello wrote, or Finneas, or maybe even Adele.

If intangible, it was a book. The author describes it as an explosion of chemicals inside your body. Butterflies in your stomach, tingles in the brain, shivers in the spine, stiffening in the muscles. A glorious feeling, is what they would describe. Overwhelming yet underbearing, heavy in the heart, yet so light to the mind.

If visual, it looked beautiful, so pretty. Like Alex. Exactly like Alex. It looked kind like her, not that I know anything about her, she just seemed kind to me. It looked of pure intention, like she did as if the feeling couldn't possibly hurt me, like I know she wouldn't possibly hurt me.

It looks, feels, and sound like everything I've ever wanted. Alex is everything I've ever wanted.

I'm a creep for staring at her from across the room, but I can't quite help it.

I look down at my book once more, as if it would give me some new found sense of courage, and then shut my eyes.

I was stood by the cafeteria like some sort of creep, second guessing my decision. It was now or never.

Just as I took a step forward, a guy stood in front of me, blocking the view of Alex.

He looks like a jock, blonde hair and light hazel eyes.

"Hey, you new?" he asked.

I wasn't new. I've been here for almost a year now. But I nod my head in response, hoping to get him away quicker.

"Cool." he smiles, then flaps a flyer out of no where, showing it to me before putting it in my hands. "Party tonight at mine. Everyone's gonna be there." he says.

I take it, although, I know I won't use it.

"Will I see you there?" he raises his eyebrows playfully.

I shrug, keeping my head down so he would go away.

He does, but not before looking at me like I was crazy. Another reason why I don't want to be myself anymore. I'm stupid shy.

After he leaves, I get a good view of Alex again, and my heart does the same pulsing it often does when I think or see her.

I shut them again, taking a deep breath in.

"Be Stella." I whispered to myself.

As I opened my eyes and waltz over to her table, I repeated it to myself. I'm not Ivy, I'm Stella. Pretty Stella. Queen Stella.

As I stood at her table, in front of her, with my hood over my head and my eyes wide from how close I managed to get, I repeated it louder in my head.

Alex turned to me, and her light brown eyes met mine, a frown on her eyebrows. Oh God. She already doesn't like me. I probably look like a mess.

My hair must look awful, I had made very little effort at fixing it this morning. My lips might be dry, I don't think I put on enough lip balm. I'm dressed so horribly, a hoodie and sweatpants, didn't I wear this a week ago? Is it even washed? I just picked it up from the laundry basket filled with clean clothes and assumed it was clean, what if it isn't? What if there's a stain on it.

She chuckles nervously. "Uh, what's up? Can I help you?"

Her voice blessed my ears, a slight raspy sound, yet soft as she addressed me.

She spoke to me casually, yet when a glamorous woman walks up to her, she'll do a double take, smile at them, give them a look that portrays excessive admiration.