The Madonna, The Virgin, and The Whore

Chapter Thirty-Nine

LEXI

It always amazes me how your life can fall apart in an instant. It happened that night two years ago with Mark, and now, after all that time preparing myself so that it would never happen again, it did. In a matter of minutes every secret I had fought so desperately to keep was out in the open. My family, who'd I'd tried to protect from this mess with lies built upon lies, now knew the truth and there was no rewind button that could undo that.

I don't know how long Mary and I sat together on the beach. It could've been one hour or three, but she didn't seem in any hurry to go anywhere and, I had to admit, I didn't want her to. I hadn't felt this vulnerable in a long time, probably not since the rape, but at least back then I had my carefully constructed armor of lies to protect me. Now it was just me.

Raw.

Weak.

Thin-skinned.

I needed my sister.

She surprised me by not asking much about the incident itself. I thought for sure she'd have pepper me with questions and I'd be made to answer them, but she didn't. Mostly she just held me and promised that everything would be okay. I didn't know how it could be though.

Mark expected money. Although it didn't matter now if he showed the pictures to my sisters or even to Will; they knew the truth, or would eventually. But he still could put them out there. The Internet was a dangerous weapon and if those pictures were posted there'd be no escaping them.

I still hated the idea of my family seeing them though. And Will... That was almost even worse. The shame hit again and before I knew what was happening, another round of tears crippled me.

"We'll figure it out," Mary assured me. I tried to take solace in her confidence, but it was almost impossible. We didn't have the kind of money that Mark would want, and there was no way I could let Mary ask Matt for it. That wouldn't be fair, not with how things were between the two of them now.

"He's not going to let it g-go," I hiccupped as I shook my head, unsure if she really understood Mark and the gravity of his threats.

"We'll call the poli--"

"No!" I was adamantly shaking my head before she even finished her sentence. "No police!"

"It's extortion Lex. It's illegal. And..." My sister dipped her head for a half a second as if trying to force the words out. "The rape. We can't allow him to get away with it."

"Get away with it?" I let out an angry laugh. "He's already gotten away with it. He destroyed my life."

She nodded sympathetically and brought me in closer. "We can't erase that, but we can make certain he never does it again, not to anyone else; that he pays for what he did."

"How? It's been two years Mary!"

"So? The statute of limitations isn't up; at least I don't think it is."

It wasn't; I knew this for a fact. One night when I was feeling particularly empowered I'd looked it up. There was no statute of limitations in our state for sexual assault. I could press charges against him at any time. But what would be the point?

"There's no evidence Mary. It'd be his word against mine, and considering how this whole town sees me... It wouldn't be much of case."

"Screw them!" Mary spat. "We'd be behind you."

I let out a hollow laugh. It's not that I didn't appreciate Mary's support; I just knew ultimately how little it would end up helping. If anything, a trial would just bring more negative attention to my family and I'd done enough of that already. I couldn't drag them down that road, not if I wasn't positive that Mark would end up behind bars. And odds were he wouldn't.