The Lexie Project

Season 19, Episode 6 (The One With The Vicodin)

I get to Benny's dorm room as fast I can. On my way I grab him a milkshake, fries, and a burger from In-N-Out because that always cheers him up. Plus, greasy food is perfect for hangovers.

Benny opens his door on the first knock. His eyes are puffy and his room is a total disaster. Rolled-up posters cover the bed, a trashcan is overflowing with old fast food wrappers and empty bottles of booze. A few boxes are scattered around the room, half full with clothes and books and knick-knacks. On the top of one of them is a picture of him and Chloe at their graduation. I remember taking it.

I hand him the bag as soon as I walk in and shut the door behind me. He takes it, grateful.

"What happened?" I sit in his desk chair and prop my legs up on the mini fridge.

Benny sinks to the floor and starts stuffing fries into his mouth."He wasn't here when I got back in last night. He's always here."

"How'd you get in?"I feel sort of bad about ditching him, but then I remember Liam. "Liam help you?"

Bens nods. "Yeah. I don't really remember anything except that the bed was empty." He takes a long sip of his milkshake. "I feel like shit."

"Did you throw up?"

Whenever I'm too drunk I shove my finger down my throat (no, I don't have an eating disorder-this is a tried and true practice for getting alcohol out of your body, duh). I'd rather barf than feel nauseous. Not Benny. He sticks it out.

"Yeah," he says. "I'm surprised a kidney didn't come up. It was bad. I think I might have overdid it a little."

"A little? Bens, you were drunk out of your mind." I think of Liam saying Benny has a problem, that he needs help. Maybe he's right. But I so want him to be wrong.

It was the last day of finals!" he says. "I'm supposed to be drunk out of my mind. I'm a freshman. And, if you haven't noticed, it's been a crap year."

I sigh. "Have you called Matt? Why do you think he's going to break up with you?"

"Oh, I don't know. It could have been the note that said I can't do this anymore."

I stare. "Are you serious?"That doesn't sound like Matt at all.

Benny nods, miserable. The tears come again in full force. I sink down and wrap my arms around him.

"He didn't mean it," I say, soft. I hope to God Matt was just pissed. Because if Bens has a problem now, what would it be like if he didn't have Matt? "You guys are gonna get married someday. He wore an I Love My Boyfriend shirt."

If Matt is willing to break up with him-Matt, who sacrificed his relationship with his ultra-conservative parents so that he could be with Benny-then we can't ignore this anymore.

Bens shakes his head. "Ouch. Note to self: do not shake head when hungover."

I get up and dig through the little plastic bin he keeps his meds in. I've done this way too many times. I grab two Excedrin, but not before I see the little orange prescription bottles. If there'd been just one or two, I'd think he had a good reason for it. Six? No good reason.

Vicodin. Ambien. Xanax. Desoxyn. OxyContin. Opana.

"What the fuck is this?" I say, holding up the OxyContin.

Benny looks over at me and sighs. "It helps. I mean, sometimes I just need a break."

Look, all of my siblings need assistance with their happiness. I rock Zoloft, Chloe's got her Prozac. When you've had the kind of childhood like ours, you need a little help keeping your head on straight. A little help. Not six bottles of help.