The Lexie Project

Season 19: Episode 4(The One With The Fountains)

Benny's dorm is right next to a parking lot on the edge of campus, near one of USC's million and a half libraries. It's called Reedley Hall because I guess some rich dude who went to USC donated tons of cash to the school. It's kind of weird that what you get for donating millions of dollars is a building that smells like Cheetos and vomit.

Except Benny's room.

My brother's in this scented candle phase and, even though it's technically not allowed, he burns them all the time. It basically smells like a harem in there. Not that I speak from experience. Okay, I'll be honest: his room also smells like bourbon, but at least he keeps the vomit in the bathroom down the hall. And sometimes it smells like Hot Sweaty Football Player when Matt comes over before he's taken a shower after practice. But I think that's totally within the realms of acceptable scents because if your boyfriend-who's the starting running back (even though he's a freshman) for the best college football team in the country-leaves his jock strap in your room, it's a freaking honor.

This is why I never sit on the bed because it's a total sex den (see: jock strap).

Benny's RA is a major stoner, so he doesn't enforce any rules. When I get up to the fifth floor, I can hear the music from the elevator-a mashup of Lady Gaga and Madonna. Can my brother be any gayer?

I squeeze past the coeds and into Benny's room. He's standing on his bed, reciting the Gettysburg Address.

"Four score and..." He wobbles and his bottle of Maker's Mark sloshes onto his bedspread (an ironic Toy Story comforter because Benny is...Benny). "Four score and seven years ago, our-LEXIE! YOU GUYS LEXIE'S HERE!"

"Yikes," I say, as Matt comes over to me and rests his forehead on my shoulder.

"I owe you big time," he says. "I know you had that awards thingie."

"Nah, this one's on me," I say.

Benny stumbles over and wraps his arms around me in a bear hug. "I love youuuuuuuuu."

"I can't believe we share the same genetic code," I say.

He plants a wet kiss on my cheek. When he pulls away, I take stock: his bright blue eyes are shining too much, his cheeks are Santa Claus red. At least he got a haircut. He was starting to look like a surfer with longish blonde hair falling into his eyes. Now it looks like a 1950's dreamboat actor's, which is way better. He's wearing a T-shirt that says FIGHT ON (the USC mantra) and the low-slung jeans I got him at True Religion for his birthday.

My brother is smokin' hot, which means he gets away with murder.

I feel bad that this is the first time you're seeing my twin. He's usually totally charming and laid back and wonderful. It's just that this year has been hard for him, what with Matt being the only gay guy on the football team and the whole MetaReel lawsuit. Also: it's no secret he loves Chloe more than me and I think it's been sucky, with her being all the way across the world. I'm pretty jealous about him liking her more, not gonna lie, but it shouldn't be a surprise since, acccording to Ellen, the rest of America prefers her to me, too.

"Bens," I say, like I'm talking to one of my little brothers. "Did you know it's like two in the morning?"

He straightens up. "I want to wade in every fountain on campus. Now." He turns to the wasted freshmen in his room-ten annoying drunks in all. "Who wants to wade in the fountains?"

General excitement ensues. Matt and I exchange a look.

"You wanna tackle him or something?" I ask. Sometimes that works.