hero's shadow // mha

87) heavy dusk

Izuku is on his knees, blood frozen in his body, horror making a home in his gut. He reaches forward, attempting to unkill himself, but he never finished what he started in the first place.

The fake coughs, sputtering to life, and Izuku's chest loosens. Yagi helps the boy to his feet and leads him away, leaving Izuku behind with only a singular dead-eyed glance in his direction. Fear replaces Izuku's uncertainty, bringing with it guilt. Why is Yagi looking at him now? Why is he caring for that fake when the real Izuku is right here, looking through actual eyes? Izuku doesn't get it.

Why would Yagi care about some false extension of Izuku? Sure, this Yagi is just as fake as that Izuku, but it still hurts. Why would any version of Yagi act this way?

"He seemed angry."

The flowers around him extend, wrapping around his limbs and poking through his bones with polite thorns. He doesn't feel it—he continues to stare at All Might's retreating back, trying to reconcile with what just happened.

His father's presence is enough to make the vines tighten nearly enough to shatter his bones. The figure is behind him somewhere, but Izuku doesn't see him, nor does he bother searching.

I didn't mean to do it, he wants to say, but he knows that's not quite right. And even then, his master has long since disappeared into the fields with the other Izuku, not keen on listening to excuses. And could Izuku blame him for that?

A cold hand lands on his back. "Why do they always look at you that way?" All for One whispers, the soft words breathed into his ears.

And the boy can say nothing in response.

He doesn't do it on purpose, but he avoids Yagi in the days following the dream.

He is grounded again due to the cannabis incident, so he's been a little restless. He hasn't been able to contact Hawks yet about his official response to the Commission, and time is ticking. Shouta understands this, but he's standing his ground and refusing to let Izuku go out on patrol until his punishment is up.

Which Izuku knows is more than fair, especially considering his situation.

So, he is using this time to prepare his body. The third year gyms have amazing holographic simulations to keep his skills sharp. He's messed with the programming to ensure his opponents are higher levels and represent the things Izuku struggles the most with.

On top of that, Izuku is determined to never let his quirks go. He fears being put in suppressant cuffs again or, even worse, being injected. If the access to his quirks is gone, he won't be able to help the way he needs to. He needs to be able to continue functioning even in the circumstance that he's been hit with a suppressant dart.

And the only way to ensure that is to expose himself to it.

It's a scary thing, really. Voluntarily putting himself in that position. At any moment, he could need his quirks. But he knows he has to do this sometime, and he's at UA currently, so this is as safe as he can be for a while.

He kneels on the mats in the middle of the largest gym at UA, eyes closed and fingers curled around the chains bolting his wrists to the walls. A spring is released, and he feels the first injection make its way into his skin, quickly entering his bloodstream. It's cold, and it numbs his insides as it blocks all of his quirk factors. He shivers, already panicking, but forces himself to breathe slowly in order to concentrate.

Even without Boost or One for All, his body will continue to metabolize quickly, as that's the way he's been conditioned. If he focuses his bodily energy solely into burning through the suppressants, he can decrease the total amount of time in which he's under its effects.