Chapter 5

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Taylor POV

"Someone who's fine doesn't have 3 or more panic attacks a week, someone who's fine sleeps in a bed and not the couch. You are not fine Taylor!" My mom raised her voice, making me tense. "I'm fucking fine mom!" I shouted back. "Oh yeah? What about how many times you text Selena or Travis because they're the only people who know how to get your panic attacks to go away? Your as far from fine as someone can be!" My mom yelled. I bit my lip. "Fuck off! I'm perfectly fine! I'm fine..." I bit back a sob and saw my moms face soften. "T..." Charlie spoke up and I shook my head. "I should be fine...." tears started down my cheeks. "Why can't I be okay? Mom?" I sobbed now as I sat on the floor. My mom helped me to the couch and gently made me lay against her. "Hun, your not always gonna be okay. And that is perfectly fine! Stop trying to do everything alone." My mom said and I nodded, sniffling. "Me and Marjorie are gonna go...." Charlie mumbled. "Oh... Okay. Text me? When you guys get home." I replied and Charlie gave a nod before getting Marjorie and leaving. I just leaned against my mom, silent. "It hurts." I mumbled and my mom nodded "I know. You don't have to do it all yourself. Let someone help you." "I can't. I'm not allowed to." I mumbled, finally airing out the thought that's forever in my mind. "Hm?" Meredith meowed loudly from the hallway making me groan. "What do you mean honey?" My mom asked as I got up to go pick up Meredith. "I mean what I said. Every time I depend on someone it gets out and my life is ruined again." The doorbell rang and I chose not to answer it, hearing the paparazzi outside. "Dear...." My mom sighed which just made me feel more guilty. "See?! I finally let my guard down and tell you what's going on in my mind and it hurts you! Every. Time." I sniffled and shockingly Meredith started purring and rubbing against me. Reaching down I pet the feline, a small smile forming when she rubbed against my injured knuckles. "Sure I hate that my baby is hurting, but you need to let me help you. Let someone help you. Please Taylor. For Marjorie." I nod. "I need help. I'm just not sure if I'm ready to let myself receive it? Does that make any sense?" I rambled anxiously. My mom cut me off gently and nodded her head "it does. We can do this at your own pace Taylor. I have something I want you to do for me okay?" Meredith meowed loudly making me let out a watery giggle "Okay momma." "I want you to write a list of people you'd be okay with letting your guard down and accepting help from." The sun hit my eyes making me groan and shut the blinds before I nodded "Okay mom."

Like this is the shittiest of shitty chapters oh my. Do you guys like it? Suggestions? Opinions?

-Brooklyn

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