It All Started with a Lie

Chapter 22

What am I doing? All the joy in her eyes, is a lie, because he hasn't been going out with his own friends, he's been going out with hers, and I am sitting across from her with a smile on my face lying straight through my teeth to my best friend in the entire world.

Maybe it was never because I was fat or ugly that the kids hate me, maybe it was because this is who I am, and she deserves better. "Richard, I have to tell you something."

Her smile falls ever so slightly as she grabs my hands, clasping them lovingly, which only makes me feel worse. "What is it?"

I open my mouth to spill my guts to her but the waiter interrupts to take our order. "What can I get for you—" he pauses— "Alexia?"

With drawn brows I turn and I recognize him immediately. "David!"

"David?" Richard knows the name.

"How have you been? It's been a while."

A long while. Two and a half years I'd say. "I've been great. How have you been?"

I stand to hug him and he happily returns the gesture. The last time we saw him, I was sneaking out of his bedroom before he could wake up. It is one of the worst things I have done—second only to betraying Richard— because he is probably the only man who wanted me for more than just sex and I blew it. He was my first, and I just couldn't imagine someone loving me after seeing me naked and getting what they wanted, so I left before he could wake up and blocked his number. It has haunted me for years, and I often wonder how my life would have been had I stayed that morning, let him wake up to me; let home love. I think he would have, now that I'm older, I think he could have.

He tells me about his life, he bought a motorcycle—apparently I have a type—and works in construction during the week, restaurant on the weekends. He's looking at buying a house and has a dog named Max who he loves but hates having to leave alone everyday. And he's missed me.

I don't say I've missed him too, but Richard stares me down like she is waiting for it, like she knows I should. But I catch him up on my life, where I go to school, what I'm majoring in, and he asks me if I'm still dancing and I tell him that I am the lead. He boasts about how he always knew I was going to be someone, that I am the best dancer he's ever seen, how much he loved to see me dance. And I remember it all, telling him my dreams, inviting him to my shows, dancing for him. He was always so supportive.

But when I danced, he never looked at me the way Klaus does.

After we've caught up, he takes our orders and Richards asks me what I wanted to tell her, but my confidence is long gone, and so I tell her it isn't important.

"This could be your chance to apologize," she notices the look in my eyes.

"It is, isn't it?" Would he even listen?

"Maybe this is your chance for a real relationship." There is something to her voice, something different, like disappointment, or fear—no, neither of those. I can't place it.

"A real relationship," I breathe. The words feel strange on my tongue.

Something changes between us, me and Richard, as we get our meal and eat. The conversation is stale and she looks sadder than usual. I wonder if I have done something, because as far as I know her and Ryder are okay and she never stays mad at her siblings. I have done so many things to make her hate me lately, I do not know which one she has discovered to make her quiet. But she is not mad, not even sad. I do not know what she is thinking, for the first time in our friendship.

She tries to act normal, keep up the conversation. Sometimes she succeeds and it feels normal, but then David returns to check on us and the conversation falls flat. For a second I almost catch a glare in her eyes when he offers to get her another drink. But she assures me that she loves me and wants what's best for me and if that is David she will cheer me on.

"I just need to apologize to him. I don't know where it will go from there."

She nods, smiles and it is bright again. She takes my hand, tells me about something she forgot to earlier, about this jerk at school, how she is so glad she is almost done with high school. She hasn't decided where she will go for college. She is between where her brother and I go, and where Ryder goes. I know what she wants, but I don't think she can bear the thought of leaving her siblings, especially when Sonny still has two years of high school.

Things are normal again, even when David comes back with the check. I insist on covering the bill and when we finish arguing, she greets David and I help her get her crutches. "I'll meet you at the car." She squeezes my hand for reassurance as she leaves.

I turn to David and clear my throat. "I wanted to tell you how sorry I am."

He laughs humbly and takes a seat at the booth with me. "For sleeping with me, or for leaving?"

"Leaving." I could understand why he thought the other. I told him I was a virgin before we had sex, and he kept asking me if I was sure. I never was too convincing when I said yes, but it was what everyone else was doing and I wanted to fit in. He was sweet and gentle, and the kind of guy most girls want as their first. I will never regret that. "I didn't want you to break my heart, so I figured I would leave before you got the chance."

"I wasn't going to break your heart, Alexia."

I held my head down in shame. "I know that now."

"I was in love with you."

The words leave me stunned. "You were?"

He smiles, but it doesn't light up the room or make my stomach knot. "Of course I was. Here's this funny, bold, courageous girl who actually gave me the time of day, how could I not be?"

He loved me. Someone loved me. "I didn't know."

"I wish you did. I should have told you. I just didn't want to scare you off."

It would have done the opposite, and I can't help but wonder what my life would have been like had he told me. Maybe I would have been happy, healthy. Maybe I would have finally fit in.

But then I wouldn't have Richard. And I wouldn't have Klaus. So I'm glad he didn't tell me.

"Listen," he starts, taking my hand, "I know it's been a while, but I still have strong feelings for you, even after all these years. Would you go to dinner with me? We can try again."

There was a time in my life where I felt the same, and less than a year ago, I would have jumped at the opportunity to be with him again. Things change. "I'm sorry," I pull my hand from him softly, "I think I might be in love with someone else."

His face falls as he draws in a sharp breath. "Oh. Well, he's a lucky guy."

"I'm sorry."

He shakes his head. "Don't be. I mean it, he's a lucky guy. I hope he treats you right."

"He does." But we are only having sex, and that is all it will ever be. All it ever can be.

It would not be fair to David to be with him when I know I want someone else.

I meet Richard by the car and help her get in. As I lift her to the raised seat of the jeep, her eyes catch the cord around my neck. "Did you get a new necklace?"

I bring my hands to my neck and realize why she doesn't recognize this one, it is a black cord, with the pendant, a little shark tooth, tucked under the collar of my shirt and out of view. I have never worn anything that is not silver and she knows. I've gotten good at lying, and cover quickly, "I got it from a gift shop. Just thought it was cute."

She believes me immediately and I swallow my shame.

A/N
Hi lovies!
What did you guys think?

I have officially finished writing this book and there are 30 chapters, I am excited to share it with you!

QOTD: who is your favorite author/poet?
Lots of love,
Rachelle <3