Love Letters ~ Crowley x Aziraphale

Closing up

It was like any other day for Aziraphale, he had spent the day (not) selling books and helping people around his bookshop. As he was locking up for the night, though. Actually, just after he locked his front door and shut his blinds a small letter popped through the letter flap of his door. He picked it up and glanced up at the door before unlocking it and opened it, finding no one there, no sign of life.

He sighed and shut the door, re-locking it before carefully opening the letter. Being an angel, a being made of love, it didn't take long for him to realize it was a love letter.

Dear Mr. A.Z Fell,

I hope you are doing well. That is all I want for you, for you to be happy and well. I adore seeing you happy, it's always quite adorable to see the way your nose scrunches up a bit when you smile and how when you get happy you fidget with your hands, shaking them back and forth. You're - for lack of a better word - satisfying to look at and I wish I could wake up beside you every day. I can't help but want to wrap my arms around you and hold you close. You are a treasure in this bleak world.

The love letter was short and straight to the point but sweet and it made Aziraphale blush ever so slightly. He didn't recognize the handwriting, the person seemingly having painstakingly forced themselves to write neatly he assumed based on the small shakes in the font. Or maybe that was simply from embarrassment?
Either way, Aziraphale studied the letter for a long moment. He was flattered more than anything that someone had noticed the little things not even he had picked up on about himself even if a little voice in the back of his head told him it was a bit creepy.

But who had he known long enough for this to be noticed? Only one person came to mind, a certain serpent he adored but he quickly shook his head, shaking the thought from his mind. It was merely wishful thinking, something that had rubbed off on him from spending so much time around humanity.

In his heart he knew that he and Crowley were merely friends, two enemies who had put their differences aside and had grown close despite the opposition from those who still deemed the other the enemy. But lovers? Aziraphale, even if it wrung out his heart, knew it wasn't possible. Crowley was handsome enough and charismatic enough (When he wanted to be) to get anybody he desired.

In full honesty, Aziraphale wasn't even sure if Crowley was attracted to the male form, which just so happened to be what Aziraphale was most comfortable in, as Crowley was most comfortable in something more androgynous. Of course, that was no issue for Aziraphale, he adored Crowley throughout all of their experimentation. He distinctly remembered the decade or so Crowley had spent in a female form quite a few decades ago, maybe around the 1960's.

Aziraphale enjoyed seeing Crowley enjoy herself that decade or so, indulging herself in her feminine side with such glee but eventually Crowley returned to the more neutral side of things, because even with their enjoyment of their femininity, they still felt most comfortable outside of it all.

Neither one or the other. Never choosing sides. Aziraphale chuckled softly, his blush growing as he remembered Crowley's reaction when he had bought her the first dress she owned when she had first expressed wanting to experiment in her more feminine side. It was a simply short black dress that stopped just below her knees that flowed whenever she twirled and it had pockets. She wore that dress so much, also smiling brightly whenever Aziraphale mentioned it.

Still now, it hangs in Crowley's closet, near the back sure, but it's still there and one of the few dresses Crowley held onto.

Aziraphale walked over to his desk, the memories of Crowley twirling in the dress he bought her dancing in his head. He felt a twinge of guilt in his heart for getting flustered over Crowley from a love letter from another person.

At least someone he assumed was someone else. He couldn't imagine Crowley loving him back. Another twinge of pain twisted in his heart at that thought but he shook it away. He didn't need Crowley to love him back. As long as Crowley was by his side, he could be happy, living with his fantasies merely in his head.

He could live with the desire to cuddle up to Crowley and cover them in kisses, he could live with the desire to hold them close whenever he could and not let go, he could live with the desire to wake up next to Crowley each and every day. He could live with these desires staying unanswered just as long as Crowley stayed at his side.

He could live with staying as only friends with Crowley. Because at least they're happy but happy with just him.

Maybe that thought is selfish but Aziraphale couldn't help it. He didn't know if he could take Crowley loving someone other than him. Of course if that were the case, he'd not object it, their happiness was more important to Aziraphale than his own desires, but he knew his heart would break every time he'd see Crowley happy with someone other than him, to see Crowley love someone other than him.

Either way, that wasn't the case yet - and hopefully not ever. For now Crowley was all his so Aziraphale didn't have to worry.