Love Letters ~ Crowley x Aziraphale

The Ritz

 Neither of them mentioned it as they started their way towards the Ritz, Crowley, as always, Miracling a table free for the pair. They sat down, enjoying the warmth of the Ritz. Aziraphale would never admit it of course, but he longed for the warmth of Crowley's embrace, not the heating from the Ritz.

Was the heating at the Ritz more efficient? Maybe.

Would he warm up quicker? Probably.

But he didn't really care about that. He just wanted to be in Crowley's arms, to know they loved him as he loves them. But he also knew that was wishful thinking and no matter what, he was grateful for Crowley's friendship. They were always there for him when he needed it, a safe space inside all the madness of their lives. He hoped he was the same for them.

"You warming up Angel?" Crowley asked, and Aziraphale blinked a few times, shaken from his thoughts.

"Oh, uh, yes, and you?" He replied after a moment and Crowley gave a small nod. Aziraphale smiled softly and took a deep breath. He was tired of being scared to admit his feelings, he trusted Crowley enough that even if they didn't love him back, nothing would change between them. He took one more deep breath, "Crowley I... I want to confess something... I-"
"What can I get for you both?" The waiter cut in, cutting off Aziraphale. He felt his heart shatter, his confidence to finally ask Crowley after 6,000 years if they felt the same shattering with it. Aziraphale just froze, his head not processing what he was just asked. Maybe this was some sign. Maybe this was the universe's way of telling him that he shouldn't say anything about it, that he'd fuck it all up if he did. He just bowed his head.

Crowley's eyebrows furrowed as he watched this. "I'm sorry but I think we'll actually be heading home, I don't think he's alright," Crowley quickly excused the two with an apologetic smile before gently grabbing Aziraphale's arm and leading him outside the Ritz.

He kept his eyes on his feet, his feeling of dread managing to even over power his adoration for Crowley, feeling none of the usual butterflies or tingles he felt at Crowley's touch. He felt like such a fool to think Crowley could love him back. He was a failure of an angel, the one thing he was designed to do. His only purpose he couldn't even do right, so how could someone as perfect as Crowley love him?

He just let Crowley lead him back to his bookshop, his feet dragging as the two walked. Crowley's worry only increased at Aziraphale's demeanor. The dork of an angel was never this disquieted before so what had happened?

They opened the door to the bookshop for Aziraphale and sat him down on the couch, making him a cup of tea and gently putting it into his hands.

"What... What were you gonna confess back there Aziraphale?" They asked, his name softly falling from their lips, soothing Aziraphale slightly as he lifted his eyes to meet Crowley's beautiful yellow eyes.

His favorite yellow eyes.

His favorite yellow.

His heart sank, still feeling as though confessing his true feelings was a bad sign, feeling the waiter interrupting him the second he felt like he could admit it was a bad omen. So instead he shook his head and laughed somberly, "It was quite stupid really."

"I doubt it, Angel." Crowley crouched down in front of him, getting to eye level with him, bringing their hand to comfortingly rub up and down his upper arm. "Tell me. Please?" Crowley pleaded softly and Aziraphale sighed.

"I just wanted to tell you how much I value you," He murmured, only half lying. Crowley sighed, knowing it wasn't the full truth, but what else were they to do? They decided to not push it and nodded.

"I value you a lot too, y'know? You're my best friend Angel, I'd be lost without you." It was rare for Crowley to be vulnerable, but he valued Aziraphale's emotions over his pride. Unfortunately, two words felt like a knife to the angel's already fragile heart.

'Best friend'

It echoed in his head, a firm reminder to him that that was all they were. They were just friends. Nothing more, nothing less, and as much as Aziraphale didn't want to admit it, that fact was starting to hurt him more and more as the days passed. He bit his tongue, hesitating for a moment.

"I think we're passed being friends after 6,000 years of being this close of friends.." He chuckled weakly and Crowley raised an eyebrow. "What if we called ourselves 'partners' instead?" He hoped that Crowley wouldn't think it weird of him to ask. Crowley's cheeks turned a soft red color and they nodded.

"I guess it is true that 6,000 years of being this close would make us something more than friends," They chuckled lightly, "Partners it is then."

Aziraphale felt his pain lighten slightly, hearing Crowley call him their 'partner' felt closer to being their actual partner, the one Crowley loves with all their heart. It pained him to know that wasn't his reality, but at least he could have a sliver of it here and live the rest out in his head. It was better than nothing and he knew that. He knew it very well but it still broke his heart a little. But he covered it up for Crowley and smiled gently.