Falling for the unloveable

How her sister sees it

She always punished herself and pushed people away because she thought that was the best way to protect everyone from herself and all the bad things that surround her. Truth be told, I never knew how to help or what to do when iris did this because she is the person I go to whenever I need advice but I obviously could never do that when the concern at hand was her. So I pretended that I didn't see what I couldn't fix and let her go down this destructive path. Now I realise that I've failed her.

If it was me or Ava or any one of the people who have been camping out at the hospital all day, in Iris' position, she would have done anything and everything to help them. Including putting herself on the line.

I'm not sure how long passes probably only forty five minutes before the room is full once more and a tray of pancakes is put in front of me. I stare at them for a long minute,
"You have to eat something Gracie, starving yourself won't wake her up. If it would not a single soul in here would touch a piece of food" it's Mal coaxing me this time and my own way of acknowledging her words is by taking a small bite of the fluffy food.

Everyone seems to take turns switching between sitting and standing, talking and watching, being thankful she's still alive and worrying she won't wake up. It's exhausting even for me who can only focus so much on the worrying part. The only thing that stays the same is my hand in her right one and her left in Elias'. We don't let go, or I don't, he has to from time to time when Diego wants his attention or when he ran after Ava before. She came back inside a little after everyone else and she looks worse than before.

She looks guilty. I have the urge to say something but before I can the door slams open and all chatter falls silent as we turn to see the new visitor. "Oh my god" Bailey gasps, his hand flying up to cover his mouth as he moves toward Iris.
"Let's give them a minute everyone" Aidan ushers everyone out besides me and Elias. Lu doesn't want to leave and I'm sure he waits literally next to the door when he does whereas Ava can't get out quick enough.

I watch him take Elias' spot at her bedside with tears already welling up in his eyes.
"Grumpy" his voice breaks and I raise from my seat for the first time since I got here. Elias takes note of my movement and moves to my side in an instant. "Let's get some fresh air" he extends his hand and I take it without hesitation. His rough palm slides across mine as he leads me out of the room to give them some privacy and we don't stop until we've reached the hospital entrance.

We find a metal bench to sit side by side on and once we stop moving I release a deep breath that I feel like I've been holding since I saw my sister.
A comfortable silence encases us with the birds chirping being the only sound we can hear. It's peaceful and gives you time to think or not to think because that's all I seem to be doing recently.

"My father, he's in a coma too" i break the silence with something I know he's been avoiding asking me. They've all been avoiding asking in case I break. Elias turns to look at me before I can take another breath but I don't face him.
"You don't have to-"
"I wanted him to die in the crash. I wanted Iris to be avenged with his death," I pinch the skin at wrist. "Then I saw him lying there, barely any bruises on him and he looked so smug" I know that's impossible because he is in a coma but I swear he did. He always has.

"I was so angry in that moment that my body took charge and I reached for the socket that his ventilator was plugged into" I pinch harder.
"the door opened and I had hide under his bed" the nurse didn't stay for long, she checked his vitals, wrote them down and then she left.
"But I was going to do it, I was so close and I wish I had because he broke her until she could no longer patch herself up and all that was left was a shattered image of a girl that once wanted to live" I look down, my finger brushing over the bruise I've made on my wrist.