Emilia: Finding My Forever

29|I Love To Shop

She ran back with the bags and my credit card. "Thank you for shopping with us, Mrs. Valentino."

I signed the receipt and smiled at her before going to my next stop with my new bags.

As I passed the Prada store, a white, formal dress caught my attention from the window.

I immediately took two steps back before redirecting myself into the store.

My eyes widened as I saw the variety of dresses. I immediately ran to the rack and started looking for my size.

I love to shop.

When I was back home, I went shopping at least once a week. I won't lie, sometimes I go a little over the budget when I get into it but it makes me happy.

There aren't many things in this world that I like doing so when I find something I like to do, it doesn't matter the costs.

"Do you like this one, honey?" I was interrupted by the woman who was beside me asking her husband for his opinion.

He kissed her cheek. "You'll look good in anything."

She kissed him on the lips before taking the dress and dragging him to the cashier.

I turned back to the rack in front of me.

I used to think that when I married my forever, we would go shopping together.

It always sucked when I had to shop alone. Sometimes I would pretend that I had a boyfriend and he would help me as I shopped.

Now I was married but still shopping alone.

The crazy thing is that after everything he said this morning, I still wanted Santo beside me.

I wanted him to help me pick what colour looked better or pull me back from an item that was too expensive.

I wanted him to look at me in awe when I came out of the dressing room or make one of his rude comments after we spent hours in the stores.

I saw a teardrop fall on the dress I held and I immediately wiped my eyes.

"I have to try this," I said to the bodyguard as I tried to hold myself together.

He checked the room I was going into first before giving me the okay. When he shut the door, I immediately broke down.

Why is this happening to me?

I wanted him to be here with me. I wanted to be that lady asking her husband if he liked her dress.

Even though I saw him this morning, I missed him. I missed him so much to the point where I would do anything to hear his voice or feel his touch.

This is something that I've never experienced before.

Sure, when my parents went away or when Bella got married, I missed them but never to this extent. Not even when Anthony disappeared, I felt like this.

I don't know why I miss him so much because I knew I was going to see him later.

For a matter of fact, I shouldn't even miss him because I know he'll just treat me like shit.

I sat down on the chair and I covered my mouth so I didn't cry too loud.

I can't deny it anymore. I like him.

I like him so much to the point where it physically hurts not to be with him.

Movies always showed things like this but they can't really expressed the pain this comes with.

It hurts to like someone when you know that they can't stand you.

The look he gave me this morning was lethal. He couldn't stand me, I get it.

I was annoying sometimes and I was someone he was forced to marry. I can't wrong him. I wouldn't like me either.

"Get yourself together, Emilia," I told myself but the tears kept falling.

I can't tell the last time I cried like this.

My head began to hurt and my throat also did from me trying to hold it in.

Why did I have to marry him? I was given the opportunity not to but I still did it.

Now, I'm suffering and I don't even know if it was worth it. No one from the mafia even cares.

I took a deep breath. I can't cry in this dressing room the whole time.

"Stop thinking about him," I mumbled as I hit my forehead. 

I looked at my red eyes in the mirror. Thankfully, my waterproof makeup was not smudged.

"I can do this," I kept repeating to myself before putting on my sunglasses and walking out.

The bodyguard was standing right by the door and I felt embarrassed all over. "Tell Santo or anyone about this and I'll cut your balls off."

He silently nodded at my threat and I walked up to the cashier.

"I'll take it," I said as I handed her the dress. I didn't try it on but I knew it would fit.

I just used the changing room as an excuse to go and cry. I'm not much of a crier but when I do, it's hard for me to stop.

A few tears were still running out of my eyes.

She took my card before cashing the dress and handing me it in a bag.

I took it and turned to the guard. "Let's go, I want to go home."

As we silently walked to the car, my eyes landed on a baby blue Porsche in the adjacent car dealership.

I immediately changed my path and walked until I saw a salesman.

"I want that," I said as I pointed to the car.

He laughed. "Good one, kid. Go make jokes somewhere else, I'm busy."

I was already pissed off and he was adding fuel to the fire. I handed my bags to the guard before walking closer to him.

"Do I look like I'm joking?" I said in a rather bitchy tone.

His smile dropped and his eyes widened when he realized I wasn't. "I'll-I'll get started with the paperwork, miss."