Against yourself

I am JEALOUS?

Happy new year!
It's 2024 and "Against yourself " continues...

Curtis

Jealousy. An overpowering emotion sterms from deep within, telling you what's supposed to be in your possession but it's not. Capable of giving you a strong sense of questioning your inferiority or superiority complex.

'Am I not better than him/her?'

Then again, this is the exact feeling God has towards us...describing himself as a jealous God. How much more, us?

But, mine cannot be traced or tagged with anything in particular because I don't have the right to feel this way towards this stranger in front of me.

This gets me angry at myself.

I came here with the purpose of finding answers, yet my inner-man begs to differ.

'I'm not here to see her!' I keep telling myself this on my way here till it sinks in.

Now, I'm seeing her and she's been held captive by another man—a lover I presume.

And I am jealous?

Of  all the good things in life.... I've never struggled to achieve anything. I've been showered with love from my parents.

I have lack nothing...there's nothing I can't get my hands on if i want to.

People rather get jealous of me and I've never been bothered.

But for the first time in my entire life, I'm feeling this way.

Why should I be jealous?

As I see a banter going on between Tordy and this--this man—the object of my jealousy— it takes everything in me, not to rip him off from her.

Get a grip. How long have you known her? She's your girlfriend's sister!

Rationalizing things, it is not my place. I have no right and don't know what the hell is going on between them.

Which gets me more angrier.

Yet, I need to keep my cool as a gentleman. Perhaps, she will explain-if she wants to, because I would try my best not to pry.

Immediately, she finds me standing aloof and locks eyes with mine, my heart starts racing abnormally.

She's seriously having this effect on me -still, even after her sister's birthday. I initially thought it was a passing fancy or was just an exaggerated feeling.

I was wrong. I had actually felt that way towards her and the reason is because of her.

I know myself all too well to tell when there's a slightest change going on with me.

Why does my heart beat this way for her....

Why her and not her sister?

Not shaking away the anger I had bottled up, out of this jealousy, I take a fierce step forward —to approach her.

Unfortunately, she quickly runs to an opposite direction the moment I did.

What!

Was she running away upon seeing me?
I wouldn't want to assume that.
It was just a bit hilarious to me, how she did that, so oddly.

Perhaps she wasn't comfortable giving her situation and my presence. Let me say that.

I decided to wait for her, no matter how long. I know she'll definitely show up.