Mirrored

Chapter 12 - Kaya

New Chapter

⚠️Warning: Health deterioration, grief, loss, verbal abuse and negative self-talk is explored within this chapter. Please read what is comfortable for you.

This chapter is quite heavy in theme and quite lengthy. Please do read the warning before reading through.

Enjoy your reading time. 🍁🥀🍂

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"Then suddenly you're left all alone with your body that can't love you and your will that can't save you."

- Rainer Maria Rilke

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Deterioration. A process in which something or someone is becoming worse in state.

My mother was deteriorating.

A whole whirlwind of emotions and feelings were crashing into my already damaged mind, feeling everything and nothing at all both at once, confusing me all the more. Concern, fear, distress and disgustingly, relief. Relief knowing she was going to die. Relief in knowing I would no longer be responsible for her. Relief in knowing I was one step closer to letting myself free and finish this miserable life.

"Stop doing that," he demanded in that reassured manner, putting me off guard. Suddenly being inside the car felt claustrophobic despite the spacious design.

"Huh?" I turn my attention to him as he drove with nonchalance I wished to possess.

"Stop biting on your mouth."

Tasting the familiar copper taste, I realise I was biting on my mouth the whole ride. I instantly feel conscious and wipe my mouth to get rid of any blood staining my lips before gritting my teeth to prevent biting again.

Not knowing the roads was an uncomfortable thing. I didn't know where we were or how long it'll take to get back home. And I still couldn't decide whether I wanted this drive back home to be a quick one to get to my mother or want it to be the longest drive possible just to delay the inevitable.

I was always indecisive by nature but right now, it really wasn't helping.

"Drink." He held a thermos bottle right in front of my face while continuing to skilfully, steering the wheel. The ability he had to just erase his presence only to appear in front of you still takes me by surprise. I take the bottle almost begrudgingly but take a sip of the contents inside.

Chamomile tea.

As demanding as he was, he prepared this for me.

And this was the thing; he knew me more than I knew myself.

"Thanks, for the tea."

He gives an affirmative sound and continued to concentrate on the roads ahead. Me on the other hand, continued to sip the tea, knowing well that the calming effects only happen if you drank it consistently but regardless, I felt the desired effect as I watched the scenery pass by.

Children played on playgrounds gleefully as some mothers chattered amongst each other or chased their own child. Men and women in smart formal wear had their phones pressed to their ear as they argued with whoever was on the other side of the line. Elderly couples gave each other loving glances as they take a stroll.

So many different people at different points in life, but so content with what they have and own. At least on the outside. At least from what I could see exteriorly.