They can't save us [MxM] [MPREG]

Chapter 11 - ⚠️ Trigger warning

Why would you do something so exhausting? Because the alternative was hating him, because he was my daughter's father was, and lastly because the delusion I envisioned in him, was far less concerning and dangerous than the truth, I had hardly accepted. I guess it really was true, what they said about the  inter familiar relationship: the parents received grace even when failing at filling the roles, while children received only hell for not defending the limits of such grace. This was a quite endearing social and historically proven fact, and whilst in the West such mindset was seen as normal, no matter how bad the abuse the children had been subjected to was, in Oriental countries the plague like mentality was also backed up by Confucianism beliefs, that strongly emphasized the respect for the elders and  parents.

The sentence "You should be grateful to me, I gave birth to you" that I heard from my mom's daily drama, acquired meaning, generating a series of questions in its wake. Since the woman uttering these kind of words was usually the prototype of a neglecting parent, who eventually show up at the  news' of their child's success, or has neglected every other need the child may have to have them fulfill their ambitions, and giving birth to someone just to abandon them or use them, is not exactly an achievement, what was there to be grateful for?

Frankly speaking, with such mindset ingrained wouldn't have been better not to (give birth)? After all there is no glory, nor respect to be owned to someone who gave birth in seemingly harsh or complicated situations, just for the sake of it, thinking about how useful an unpaid caregiver that kid could grow up to be, or how its existence could work as glue and/or metal chain between the mother and the father, or just because abortions were not readily available.Taking into an account that lots of people gave birth solely for the fact that they had no access to abortion, it went against their beliefs, they wanted a helping hand around the house or found babies cute, why was not being grateful or resenting them (parents) seen as this big offense, when not being loved, used, abusused, were not? 

Kyung Ho was a monster cub, but his parents were cold blooded creatures who passed off as humans, even from prison the chairman's power was immense, making me disappear was nothing of hard for him. "Go take a shower, we will talk later" he dismissed, I had never wobbled that fast, I felt dizzy and nauseous, I made haste for the toilet hunching over it, nothing came out except for bile. After stripping I sat under the shower, hoping the hot water would relieve the throb I had felt on my stomach, I soon started to hear Kyng Ho's voice from the living room, I couldn't make up what was being said, but his voice had changed from husky to throaty , his pheromones as well had become more thick and concentrated, as he was trying to bond me to him alone, by inundating me with them. As if giving in to the alpha, my body started to produce slick, as if to remember me how well, my body could betray me, I crossed my legs hoping that would prevent further slick from coating my ass cheeks and legs.

I tried to relax closing my eyes leaning back, silently fighting my sobs and cries.

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Flasback

Ji Hoon - Kung Ho's military discharge day, 3 years ago

After getting home, I undressed, I remember feeling hot, an overwhelming kind of hot, which was not particularly unusual: I had walked quite a bit, I  greeted Mrs. Oh that upon finishing to prepare the dinner and breakfast left for the day. In moments like those as I sat at the dining table, facing none other than the luxurious furniture of the house, too tired to watch a video lesson, or to listen to some music I felt lonely, in order to remove myself from having to sit at the table longer than needed I hurried and finished my food quickly.

Hours later I would had come to regret it, I gripped the toilet puking harshly everything I had eaten at dinner, tears streamed down my face from the pain that violent vomiting and cramps had caused me. Following my vomiting, my temperature grew exponentially, I got into the shower to see if taking a coldish water helped my body to lower the temperature.

Sighing I relaxed into the bath, my heart beat accelerated, I had an erection without being stimulated, holding my dick and moving my hand up and down I had shot my second load into the water. I then dried myself and wore my pajamas, completely forgetting about the fever I had the bath refreshing effect had seemed to alleviate. As though my condition had temporarily stabilized  since I was alone and there would be nobody to attend me in case I was to worsen during the night, I decided to stick a cooling patch on my forehead and text my class representative to let him know that I was feeling sick and was unsure whether I'd able to go the day after. Throughout the night my temperature had increased and gone back to normal several times, it had only been near the daylight time that the seriousness of the situation dawned on me, strong cramps festered my body preventing me from even laying straight. "Ji Hoon, I'm h-"

Sometimes I wonder where I'd be had it not been for that morning, had I gone to school, had Kyung Ho been released a week later, had he gone to his friends before coming home... Then I get lost and frustrated at the many things could have gone differently. The average korean adult life went something like that either study to become a civil servant, or work part-time job while searching for a job and handing out your CV and attending interviews, if you could afford it you'd choose to travel abroad, learn some foreign languages, then return to South Korea, find a job, date around for some years and eventually get married. Live as a newlywed couple for few years and eventually have children. In my free moments, during which I enjoyed wandering about the city, I often saw nervous wrecked interviewees, I had secretly craved that level of normality and freedom.