All Because I Couldn't Say I Love You

Gotta Stop

KIE

Sarah and I got to the Chateau. Were we 5 minutes late? Yes. Will JJ attack me for being late? Absolutely! I'm getting a bear hug. My favorite of all JJ hugs. Well... that's a lie. I like his protective hugs.

One arm around my shoulder, pulling me to him. The other resting on my hip, as he faces me. Slow circles on my hip, moving to my face, rubbing my cheek with his thumb. His other arm wraps around me, shielding me from the world. Hiding me. Protecting me, creating a safe space for me and my feelings. It makes my heart race. Scratch that, my heart beats out of my chest!

We get out of the car, making our way to the door. Sarah opens it. No one's there. We step in. BAM. I'm being tackled to the couch. I see a blonde boy on me. Honestly, nothing hurt in that moment. Excitement runs through my body, but so does sleep.

"KIE!" JJ yells, hugging me. My feet come off my the ground.

I giggle in response, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Hi, Jayj!" I say, holding onto him.

He gets us to the couch, sitting down, then lying on the couch. I lay under him, his head hits my chest. I wrap my arms around him, rubbing his back. His hands meet my waist, circling his thumbs on my hips. I loved every second of it. I wrap my arms around his head, making him smile. His eyes stay closed.

"I missed you, Kie." JJ whispers.

"I missed you too, jayj." I smile.

He held me tight and didn't let go. I didn't want him to. I matched his energy. It didn't take us long to fall asleep.

JJ

Having her back in my arms. Best feeling in the world. The worst one, was knowing she had a boyfriend. Even worse than that, I don't think anyone liked him. Not even her. My Kie. If anything, she doesn't know what to do. If I wasn't such an idiot that one night, it would've been me. If I said it in time, it would've been me. That should be me. I think she knows that too. I wanna hold her forever. The only reason I laid on her, is so she couldn't leave. Leave me. To him. Call me selfish, I don't care. I am when it comes to her. Shamelessly, too. My heart races, hearing her breathe peacefully in my arms. That's all it takes for her to drive me insane. I would say crazy, but that's an understatement. I love this girl, but it's too late to say it.

In no time, we're both asleep. I knew she needed it. Her body looked like it was barely functioning. Like she hadn't had any time to take care of herself. It broke me. It's been weeks since I've seen her be okay. Main reason why I made the Pogues start the grill up. I wanted to make sure she was healthy. She was perfect. Whatever was going on, proved that she thought otherwise. I've always had my suspicions, but something like this confirmed it. I knew by the second she was asleep, she felt safest right here. In these arms. My arms.

Her boys arms.

I woke up to John B shaking me, making me laugh a little, then notice the girl under me. She's still sleeping. She looks at peace. She looks happier right now. Happier than I've seen her in a while. I didn't wanna wake her, but I wanted to see this beautiful, precious girl eat. I wanted to make sure she was okay. My heart beats for her.

"Kie... come on, pretty girlll... wake up!" I whisper, gently shaking her awake.

Her eyes flutter open with a groan to follow.

"Hi, sweetheart, we gotta eat now..." I whisper to her again.

"Noo- I'm not hungry... I wanna go back to bedddd!" She mutters, half asleep.

"I know, baby, I know. But you gotta... please?" I quietly beg.

She nods, yawning again.

"Want me to carry you?" I ask, slowly stepping to my feet.

She groans and nods.

"I know, baby." I tell her.

I gotta stop shit like that.

But I won't

She's still my girl.

I'll prove it too.

I pick her up, taking her to the backyard. She smiles at me, closing her eyes again, getting comfortable in my arms. I set her down on one of the lawn chairs. She groans and looks at me. Bro, I'm so whipped.

"After, Kie, after." I tell her, giving her an encouraging nod, moving my chair beside hers. She smiles, reaching over to mess up my hair.

"Hey, you!" I playfully glare at her, which she returns with an innocent smile. I point my finger at her. "Don't act all innocent now, missy!" I tell her, making her laugh.

Angelic as ever.

"God, I love that laugh." I mumble out loud.

She gets all red, and I laugh.

"FOODS DONEEE!" I hear John B yell.

I get up, telling kie to stay put, I'll get it. She gives me a smile. It's weak, but it's a sweet smile. I grab us both food, loading up on kie's favorite things. When I come back, she's half asleep, and her shirts slanted up. I can see her body more vaguely. Her body looks unrelaxed. She also has a gnarly colored bruise, barely peering out of her shirt.

"Woah, kie, what's that?" I say, setting out food aside.

"What's what?" She grumbles.

"On your stomach, princess..." I whisper. "Can I-?" She cuts me off almost immediately.

"No! No- it's nothing! Just leave it alone, J!" She spits out, starting to get up.

"Hey, relax, I'm sorry. Just please eat...." I beg, handing her the plate.

She picks at it for a while. She takes a few bites of something. That made me happy at least. I'm not happy about that bruise, but I swear to god, if it came from Ashton, or anyone in that matter, someone's heads flying off.

And it won't be mine, and it won't be Kie's.