Selfless: Book Two (bxb) ✔️

Chapter Seventeen: Snowball Fights

Cade Windsor

After almost a week of hectic Christmas planning, I had completely deflated. I was lying in bed with Carter, staring at the damn ceiling. He was asleep, curled against me as he sought comfort. I thought that the more time that passed, the easier it would get. The initial shock of what happened simmered down, but the waiting broke us now.

We spent time baking, decorating the house even more than it already was, and doing little things here and there to celebrate the holiday to the best of our ability. But Christmas was less than a week away now. Cameron was still in the hospital being treated. While I knew that was what was best for him--I still wanted to see him. I wanted to hug him. I wanted to tell him, in person, that everything would be okay.

Since the night he tried to commit, we haven't heard from him. The only updates we received were from Sebastian's parents. We were told he had more color to his face, that his wounds were healing nicely, and that he seemed in better spirits. But those were the only things we knew. I couldn't believe them completely until I saw him for myself.

"Talked to Ace yet?"

I rolled my eyes at his question. "No."

"You've conveniently found excuses to be around a load of people, so you didn't have a conversation alone with him. You even forwent dinner--the one you won with him. Now, you're in here with me when he's being annoying with the boys. He would throw the game controller at the wall for you. So, explain to me why you haven't spoken to him."

I turned on my side to face him and tucked my hands underneath my head. "He's finally doing better. All of them are. We're...working on it. I don't want to disrupt that balance with even more emotions. I'm terrified."

Carter hummed. "How are you still terrified that he isn't going to tell you that he has feelings for you? Ace is halfway, if not already, in love with you. How can you not see that? Maybe he doesn't know that, but he has to know he has feelings for you. Why can't you just talk to him? Because even if, for some insane reason, he doesn't have feelings for you--it's not going to change the longer you go without talking to him."

"I know that, Carter."

"Do you? Because I don't think you do. Ace would burn this world to the ground for you. Do you want to know something else? Alastair would do the same for me. Think about that. Talk to him, Cade. He's been doing all this Christmas shit that he...well, he used to despise. He actually seemed to be having a good time lately. Either way, he's been doing all of this with you. He'd sooner burn Alastair alive than do anything Christmas-related with only him."

"Then what do I do?"

Carter flicked my forehead, and I frowned. "Take him to the dinner you owe him, asshole."

I rubbed my forehead. "Maybe."

Yeah, maybe Carter was right, and I should just surrender. I was scared to find out what he wanted to say to me. After he teased me about having feelings for him, I felt myself shut down. My emotions were already all over the place, and for some reason, hearing him tease me about liking him really struck a nerve. Because I more than liked him, and that was a terrifying thought.

What if he found out?

Even if he did have feelings for me, what made Carter so sure they were as strong as he described? It wasn't set in stone--it was unknown territory. Exploring the unknown gave me anxiety, and I tended to avoid it at all costs. But at the risk of not giving Ace space to talk about his emotions, it wasn't fair. I wanted him to voice how he felt, so taking away his voice was cruel. Especially after he put aside his emotions for mine on more than one occasion.