Forever

Tired

THEO'S POV:

The next day, Crystal practically watched me like a hawk, and I'm kinda glad. She never noticed before and I was always faking my happiness which she always seemed to see as real, but at least I've gotten it out of my system and she knows now.

She's been asking me if I'm okay for half of the day, which I'm not, but I get a weird urge to say I am. So I do. Only because Sophia us around and I don't want her to think her dad is upset, otherwise I would say no to Crystal.

It was true what I said last night. I have this terrifying fear that I'm going to loose her somehow, even though she's literally the kindest soul on the planet and would never do that to me. Even though she loves me deeply. Even though we've already been together for 6 years happily. I don't know what it is that is making me feel this way. I think it's my job. But I have to work to make us money. For Crystal. For Sophia.

I've also been feeling really tired all the time with no motivation. I can hardly bring myself to get up off the sofa and make something to eat anymore. Eat anything, really. Crystal has to do all the cooking and I always feel really guilty because we'd normally cook and laugh together if any of us messed up. Even when she does cook something, I leave half of the plate because I feel like I can never eat it. I don't have an appetite anymore. Now look at me, a stupid lazy couch potato sitting around like I'm hard done by. It sucks.

I feel myself wanting to start crying when Crystal comes and sits by me on the sofa, giving me a little smile. I smile weakly back at her, before she speaks. "Hey, how're you feeling? Any better?" The exact question I expected.

I shrug my shoulders and sigh. "Where's Sophia?" I ask, not wanting her to hear anything. I don't want to upset her.

"She's in her bedroom playing with her toys." replies Crystal, rubbing my leg. "So how are you?" she asks once again, smiling at me, only I can sense how sad she feels, as if she's upset that I'm upset.

She continues to stare at me warmly and I get the urge to say I'm okay again, but I think she'd notice how I have bags under my eyes and how tired I am that I can't even really move, so I just tell the truth this time.

"I'm not feeling good, if I'm being honest, Crystal.." I say, and I can already feel the tears emerging in my eyes. Crystal stares at me with concern.

I look back at her and smile weakly again, fake as ever. I don't want to cry. I can't. Crystal puts her arm around me and kisses my cheek, which gives me a little bit of an ecstatic feeling for a moment before it goes away.

She looks at me again. "How long have you been feeling like this, Theo?" she asks so quietly that I have to ask her to repeat what she said.

I think for a moment. I can't even really remember when I started feeling like this myself, and I was the one that was feeling it. I remember that I didn't feel like this at all before I started my new job and I was happy writing books, until they stopped selling as much. Sometimes I wish they still did sell so I didn't have to get this job in the first place, or I could have maybe applied for a different job. It would have maybe saved me from all this stress, at least.

I give Crystal a glance, and all I see is her still smiling at me with that same, warm smile she always has. It's so pretty. "Um.. Probably ever since I started that new job.." I reply hesitantly.

She stares at me for a moment as if she's trying to comprehend what I just said. It isn't that confusing. It shouldn't be. The same way that I'm missing work today to rest is simple. That's simple enough, right? Even though I shouldn't be. I should be there teaching kids about their geography, helping them with their work. Now they've probably got a shitty substitute who doesn't know what they're doing.

That's when I realise, Crystal still doesn't have a job. She works from home, helping me write my books. I must say, it is helpful, and she's a pretty good writer, and that's probably because she's a book nerd just like me, and because she was an expert in english back in school, but I should be doing it myself. She's got way too many responsibilities already with Sophia in the house.

After a second, Crystal replies. "Your job is causing you to feel like this?" she questions, sighing afterwards. "You're not overworking yourself are you?"

For a moment, I fall silent. I didn't know how to reply to that, because, maybe, I may be overworking myself a bit, but it's for a good cause.

I nod slowly, not looking at her face. "I am, Im sorry, but.." I look up and make eye contact with her again, even though it feels slightly awkward for some reason. "But our family needs it. We need the money, and the only way we can get it is if I work hard."

Crystal kisses me on the cheek and smiles, but then stops. "You can't keep doing that.. I know it might help our family, but you also need to take care of yourself. And I'm here to help you. You know that right? You aren't alone."

"Yes, I know." I reply bluntly. I listen to her words carefully, and I can hear how determined she is to help me through her tone. Look at me. When have I ever helped her?

Crystal nods and she smiles at me. "Okay." she says plainly. "Get some rest now, and come talk to me when you need me. I'll make you some food, okay?"

I look up and her and smile. She does too much for me, and I don't repay her back. Maybe I can try and make an effort to help her now..?

I stand up with a bit of a wobble and that plasters a bit of worry on Crystals face. She is about to speak before I do instead. "I'll help you."

Crystal shakes her head. "No, no, no. You lie there and get some re-"

"No.. Come on, I'll help you. I know how much you struggle sometimes. It's the best I can do."

And suddenly, that same smile is plastered on her face again and it makes the butterflies make a visit to my stomach once again.

I follow her into the kitchen and she tells me what we're making. I start helping her even though I feel like I'll collapse any second.