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3:45 pm
"And I hate you for your lies and your covers. And I hate us for making good love to each other. And I love making you jealous, but don't judge me. And I know that I'm being hateful, but that ain't nothing. I'm just jealous. I'm just human. Don't judge me." I sang along to Beyoncè - Jealous as I pull out the parking lot of my job.
For the past week, I've just been to myself and with my mom of course. My mom has been so supportive, recently. I really needed and appreciate that.
I haven't seen Jourdan, we talk on the phone every other day but he's been busy with 'work'. Somehow his name keeps getting louder in the streets, niggas hating and bitches plotting.
Tremani and I have seen each other throughout the week, he really been attached to the hip of me lately.
I've been debating if I am going to keep the baby or not, when I heard the baby heartbeat-brah I was in-love.
All I keep thinking about is that I am carrying life and I want to do everything in my power for this baby to have a good life.
The best option is for me to get an abortion, I know! But I love kids and a mini me wouldn't hurt; after this blow up I may not have anybody by my side but my baby.
I'll never be alone.
I park in front of me and Jourdan apartment, the lights were on so I know he's here. I cut my car off, getting out and locking my car doors. I made my way inside of the apartment building, scared as hell.
I know what I have to do, I have to tell him the truth somehow.
I unlock our apartment door and seen him sitting on the couch, packing weed bags.
I shook my head.
He stood up. "Wassup, fatz. You good?"
I sighed heavily.
"Yes, can we talk please?" I ask, satting my work backpack on the sofa and walk to the kitchen which wasn't to far from the living area our apartment is pretty small.
I sat on the stool and waited for him to sit on the stool next to me. I turned my stool to face him and sighed.
"The-There's something that I've done that I need to tell you." I stuttered but eventually got it out.
"And I regret it and I know there's no excuses." My voice cracked as I feel my eyes get watery. "But I'm only human and young at that, so I am going to make mistakes. I just hope you understand my intentions were never to hurt you."
Jourdan eyes closed slowly and he nod his head. He stood up as if he already knew what I was going to say.
"You cheated on me, right Armani?" Jourdan stared at me with his hand on his hip.
I sniff as tears began rolling from my eyes.
"You FUCKING CHEATED ON ME RIGHT?" Jourdan scream in my face causing me to jump.
"I'M SORRY." I yell as I ugly cry.
"Sorry?" He scrunch up his face. "How many times you fucked that nigga? hm?"
"Jourdan." I looked up at him, he looks so angry and his eyes are black-watery.
"Man, Armani." Jourdan chuckle. "Answer the fucking question."
"I-I don't know." I shrug. "A couple times, I don't know."
"What you had here weren't good enough? You a hoe brah. You a fucking hoe." Jourdan pointed at me as he spat. "I loved you, Armani. You had my entire fucking heart, when mu'fuckas was telling me they seen you with some other nigga I brush that shit off because I trust you more than anybody-and you getting fucked by some other nigga and I'm out here looking dumb as fuck."
"I'm out here trynna' make some shit shake for us and you somewhere getting fucked. I'm out here feeling fucked up cause I'm thinking I ruined our bond-BITCH YOU GIVING THAT PUSSY UP TO SOME OTHER NIGGA." Jourdan yell in my face lowkey spitting.
I stayed silent, the look on his face is the fucking worse.
"Get the fuck out my crib bro because I spazz out on your ass." Jourdan pointed towards the door.
I swallowed the big lump in my throat. "There's something else too."
I stood up, grabbing the Sonogram pictures that I stuffed in my pocket. "I'm pregnant." I mumble sitting the picture on the kitchen counter, in front of him.
Jourdan ran his hands down his face and sighed heavily. "It's mines?"
"I-I don't know." I mumble.
Jourdan chuckle. "You don't know? Aight, get yo' hoe ass out my house brah and don't come back until you figure out who the father is." Jourdan said, lightly pushing me towards the door way and out of the apartment.
I lean against the door breaking down. Yeah, what he said physically hurt my heart but I hurt his heart the worst way.
I quickly made my way home, speeding through the streets of St. Louis.
I finally got inside and seen my mom on the couch. I silently cry walking towards the sofa and laying across, resting my head on my mommy lap as I break down.
"Awnn, Armani." My mom sighed, running her fingers through my hair.
