Never I Thought

Chapter 28 - Forever Is Temporary

I felt my cheeks grow warm. I had never considered it as a romantic thing, more like looking out for Mabel but from an outsider's perspective it definitely could've been mistaken for it.

Kei looked over at me, sadness deep in his eyes, "she was so excited to tell us how you and Robin fell asleep in a beanbag chair together. That you must really care for each other to fall asleep like that."

His mocking tone made tears stream down my face more, to the point where my vision was blurred and I still felt Kei's eyes shooting arrows into my heart.

"You hate him and yet you seem to always end up in these little situations with him," he scowled, "I excused it all for you. We weren't together. So none of it mattered but the fact that it's still happening makes me wonder if you even wanted to be with me."

"Of course, I wanted to be with you," I argued, "ever since I met you, you've always been on my mind. I don't love Robin, I just want you."

Kei finally stopped pacing, tears were now falling down his cheeks and yet he was still so beautiful.

"Do you love me, Alyssa?"

My breath faltered and I looked up at him with widened eyes. His voice was so silent and yet the question had hit me so hard.

I had no idea how to answer the question and when my confused expression met his cold one, I knew that I had given him an unintentional answer.

"I think I need some space," he said cooly.

Kei started to pack up his belongings and I broke out of the trance I had melted into.

"No, please!" I begged, "please, don't do this, Kei. I want you. I want to figure this out with you!"

He started to walk out of the room. I tried to grab his arms to get him to stop, to just listen to me. I wanted to scream that I didn't know what love was but I wanted to find out with him. I wanted him to know I'd take back my entire existence if it meant one more chance with him.

"Don't go!" I shouted, wishing he could hear the words I couldn't say.

Instead, he turned around, his dark eyes bearing into mine and grabbed my arms and pushed me away with as much force as he could muster.

He threw me onto the floor and then shut the door without looking back. Without making sure I was okay after what he had done.

It's okay, I reasoned with myself, I deserved it.

I didn't actually deserve it. But the guilt that had eaten me up had discouraged my logic and broke my churning mind.

So I stayed in that position and cried my heart out.

———

I woke up on the floor of my bedroom with dried tears on my cheek. It was the early hours of the morning, long before my alarm would go off for school.

When did I fall asleep? I thought, pulling myself up and looking around for my phone.

And then last night hit me and the memories flooded my brain. My shoulder's tensed up and I swallowed with difficulty.

I needed to call Kei. Or text him. Just do something before it was too late. My phone was under the pillows of my bed and the bright light made my eyes ache.

But my heart ached more when I noticed that there was nothing from Kei. I've never had to face this side of him before and therefore didn't know how to handle it.

If this was anyone else I would've tried to fight a bit harder. Arguing was easy, you bring up facts and evidence and you win. I couldn't bring myself to raise my voice at Kei.