The Downfall

Chapter one: Goodmorning new life.

As soon as I walked into my new empty house all I felt was a huge void... A little bigger than the house.
I entered my room. Great.. there was mattress lying on the floor for me to sleep on tonight since the furniture was arriving tomorrow. I threw my bags in a corner and plopped down on this poorly made mattress which at the moment felt like cloud to me.

{-}

My sister came in and poked me.
"Wake up now! The stuff is here and you need to come get yours."
What the fuck? I thought. The boxes have names on them. Why do I have to get up now?
I looked at the time.

                   September 8th, 2019
                                   9:17am

"Get up, sissy!" She said more forcefully this time.
"It's 9:20 in the morning, can't I do it later? My boxes have my name on them."
"Tch, aren't you excited about the idea of a new house at all?" She asked me with a look of alienation.

Excited about what exactly? We've moved five other times and I never had even one steady friend or best friend. For her it wasn't an issue, she was 20 years old she had managed to make long term friends before we started moving regularly as we got further and further away from our original home.

"No." I said dryly.
I was indeed not thrilled.
"Not even a little?" She waved a small amount at me with her fingers.
"Not even a little." I was just trying to get it over with so I could get back to sleep.
"Well Celyn, I'm gonna let you here rot and die on your own." She said while laughing and closed the door behind her and I slumped my head against the pillow, hoping that when I woke up again it would all be over.

{-}

The alarm goes off and I look at my phone.

                      September 8th, 2019
                                  14:00pm

"Great..." I said ironically to myself.
I got up and noticed that all the boxes with my name on them were now in my room.
The amount of boredom I had with putting everything away was beyond description.
I got up and started to make up as I imagined this white to grey, empty space.

{-}

"One final touch and... Done." I said and finally finished decorating as one would say.
And suddenly the now cluttered room looked more like a teenage room than a mental hospital room.

                     September 8th, 2019
                                    17:58pm

I checked my phone once again as the hours ticked by slowly and torturously.
I looked in the mirror. I was a mess. My medium long, light brown hair was in knots. While my dark eyes looked even darker by the dark circles. My sun-tanned skin was now ice white.

"Icelyn!" My mother shouted from downstairs.
I was wondering what she wanted. Why couldn't they leave me alone for one day?
"Come eat, you haven't eaten since yesterday!" She shouted again.

Why does she care? She remembered after 16 years that she's my mother.

I went downstairs and saw them all eating like a happy family. But how? How were they doing that? As if nothing was wrong.
I sat down too, without say a word, just staring at my plate, trying to avoid any gaze or conversation.

"Hello to you too." My father said humorously. He wasn't funny at all.
"Hi." I replied and remained silent. My mother looked at me critically.

What was she looking at? Who gave her the right to look at me like that? We could barely exchange two words.

There was silence.
"Tomorrow's the first day of school." My sister jumped in, trying to break that silence and banish any uncomfortable feeling.
"Yeah..." I told her hesitantly and blurted out.

I didn't want to go, I hadn't kept in touch with anyone since last year, or the year before that. I didn't have anyone.

"Can you stop?" My mother lifted her head from the plate and said.
"What?" I was puzzled as I had no idea once again why she was having an explosion.
"What what? We are right in front of you and you are not even looking at us, you are not even saying a word. I don't know about the rest of you guys but to me that seems rude!" She stated affirmatively.
"Calm down Johanna. Icelyn don't say anything." My father said and looked at me desperately.

What does he mean don't say anything? And let her talk as she wants, to whomever she wants, whenever she wants?

"No Alex wait a minute, let her answer first." She looked at me and waited for me to feel defeated.

Fuck her.

"Do you really want me to answer that?" I asked her, waiting for her to say yes so I could get out all the anger I'd been holding in since morning.
"Yes I do indeed." She replied while laughing.
"Vajza ime.. Please don't..." My father begged me calling me daughter in Albanian, who just wanted to have dinner with all of us like a normal family for once, but we were not.

I put my fork on my plate and swallowed before starting another argument with my mother.

"Don't you think it's a little ironic what you're asking me?" At this point I was barely maintaining my composure waiting for an answer I wouldn't like to make her feel like garbage.
"Ironic? Girl, I'm your mother! You keep disrespecting me to my face. You should be ashamed of nothing but what you said!" She yelled and everyone turned their eyes to me who was waiting to explode. Which I didn't take long to do. I felt my blood boil. The moment when my patience ran out had come.

"First of all, you're going to be nicer to me." I started saying and stood up abruptly, pushing the chair I was sitting in making it fall over.
"Second, you lost your mother's title years ago. You can't tell me what to do, only he can." I pointed to my father.
"There's something you don't seem to understand.." I interrupted her before she could continue what ridiculous thing she thought she was going to say to me.
"You are the one who probably didn't understand. Just because Dad and Nadia put up with your shit doesn't mean I will. You are dumb for believing I will."
"I'm your mother and no matter what happens you can't change that." She said happily. He was happy to step on where it hurt me. I clenched my hands into fists as I watched that smile. God, I was going to kill her.

"We may have the same blood, you may be my mother on a piece of paper, but, here and here you are non-existent." I said and pointed to my brain and heart. Slowly the smile faded from her lips with my father and sister staring at her angrily . I picked up my plate and went to my room.

I inhaled deeply and suddenly I was in tears. Not because of sadness but because ofanger. I ate and went to sleep.. Maybe this will be my life from now on.
We'll see tomorrow.