Sidelines || MxM

I'm leaving

Ethan

"I'm so fucked," I whispered to myself. I raised my hands, rubbing my face in a futile attempt to bring clarity to the whirlwind of thoughts inside my head.

"Why in the world had I thought that I would be okay handing out my phone number? And even worse, how everyone forgot that I'm supposed to meet him at the lantern festival anyway." My fingertips paused at my temples, pressing in a desperate effort to alleviate the tension that had been building up ever since I left the library.

I didn't even know how I had ended up sitting on the sidelines of the university stadium. I was awkwardly wearing a jersey with the university's bison emblem and the colors I often refused to wear: green, blue, and white. I felt like a fish out of water. Ha, who was I kidding? Of course, I knew. Leo had dragged me here at the end of the day. Thankfully, I had the sense to bring a proper sweater, considering the day had passed in such a blur that it seemed to belong to someone else's life, not mine.

I dragged my hands up through my hair, gripping the light brown strands slightly, and caught Leo looking at me like I had lost my mind.

Sure, at the beginning of it.

To my further dismay, Kevin stood Right next to him, lanky. His pale skin was even more noticeable against the ill-fitting jersey, which was clearly two sizes too small and clung awkwardly to his tall frame. I didn't want to think about it; it was like a bizarre cherry on top.

"You're looking more ruffled than the mascot after a touchdown," Leo said.

"God, no, I knew you already lost it the moment you made me come to the game. Kevin's here too, and now you're even cracking football dad jokes." I scoffed, gazing at the game where the field was a frenzy of players I could barely follow.

Kevin, overhearing our conversation, had turned towards us with a grin. "Are you kidding? I never miss these games. I'm actually the one who got these tickets. Do you think I just live at the store or something?"

Oh, Geez...

"We have been working with you for four years, and you never closed the store on a Homecoming game day."

Kevin shrugged nonchalantly. "Well, there's a first time for everything, right? Thought I'd mix things up a bit this year."

Something didn't add up. But then, who was I to judge? This used to be part of my life, and I had let myself be here when I promised myself I would never step into a football stadium again. A part of me wondered if I was being unfair, allowing my past to dictate my present.

"You okay there?"

I released my hair, letting my hands fall back to my sides. "Just trying to make sense of it all," I replied as the booming of cheers from students and Pinebridge residents alike tried to seep into my consciousness like an uninvited guest.

Leo nudged me. "You're doing that thing again," he said, "overthinking."

"Can you blame me? I just went with the flow. Who does that?"

Leo chuckled, the sound lost briefly in the cheering of the crowd. "Ethan, going with the flow is what normal people call 'living.' Are you that worried about the festival? This morning, I was joking, okay. I know the lantern issue is serious."

Leo's words hung in the air, reminding me how quickly things had spiraled.

"It's... everything. The festival is just the tip of the iceberg." I took a deep breath, feeling overwhelmed by the stadium's noise.

"Ethan, I love you but never understood your cryptic messages. What the heck happened? You were okay in the café, well, if I can say that." He reached for my shoulder and squeezed.