housekeeper

15. What if?

(Dave)

The wait for Vanessa is long. I sit here in the waiting room and start biting my fingernails in frustration. A nurse just brought a glass of water and put it on the table in front of me, but I haven't even touched the cup yet. The doctor who called Vanessa walks out of the examination room. She looks in my direction with a worried expression.

"Sir, Lavens. Could Vanessa spend the night at your place this evening? I went over some options with her, but her friend is out of town. I think Vanessa needs a place where she knows there's someone she can trust. She suggested your place, but was unsure..."

"Of course, she can spend the night at my house. I have an extra room."

"Good," the doctor says with a smile and walks back into the examination room.

A few minutes later, Vanessa walks out of the room. I stand up and look at Vanessa's red puffy eyes. She looks at the ground and there is a small silence. I don't know what to do. Comfort her? Give her a hug? Does she want to, or would she shudder, since she has just been abused. Now I'm furious. My cousin did this to her. Wait until I get a hold of him. I beat his dirty mouth to mush. I clench my fists and startle when a hand gently touches my arm.

"Dave? Everything all right?"

I look questioningly into Vanessa's eyes. Has she just asked me if I'm, okay? She's the one who went through something so horrific. And she asks me this? I ask with a small smile on my lips, "Shouldn't I ask you that question? You're just..."

Vanessa shudders and I swallow my last words. She rubs her arm with one hand and asks in a whisper, "Are we out of here? I want to wash myself and forget everything as soon as possible."

"Of course," I reply, quickly taking my coat off the chair. We walk in silence side by side to the exit. The drive home is also incredibly quiet. I don't know what to say or ask. I look at her occasionally, but she keeps staring out the passenger window.

When we get home, I ask her if she wants anything to eat, but Vanessa refuses and wants to go to her bed. So, we go upstairs, where I walk ahead of her to escort her to the guest room. "Vanessa, do you need anything before you go to bed? A toothbrush or a T-shirt?"

"No, that's sweet of you, but I don't need anything. I just want to go to bed." Vanessa hesitates at the doorway. "Dave, thank you for letting me stay at your house. I... I wouldn't know what to do in that apartment."

I look deep into her tear-filled eyes before she looks down. I feel sorry for her and would love to give her a hug. Before I can do anything, she's already gone through the doorway. The door closes carefully in front of me, and I wait for the latch to return to normal. Then I walk down and head towards my kitchen.

I sit at the kitchen island for a while and stare at the black screen of my phone. How should I fix this? The woman I've developed feelings for in a short period of time is deeply hurt and a part of that is my fault. With a deep sigh, I go upstairs and stop at the door of Vanessa's room. I hear her sob softly and get a lump in my throat. Tears sting my eyes and I walk to my own room with my gaze on the floor and drooping shoulders.

That night is a sleepless night for me, with lots of "what-if questions". What if I used to be? What if I had shown those photos? What if... I had never hired her as my housekeeper. What if I was a little more like my parents? Hard for the staff and the outside world. I tried to be like them. Professional, strict and a boss. Not getting feelings for the people who work for me. Don't start relationships with the staff. A hard-to-reach heart. But Vanessa is different. In the brief time I've known her, she's captured a place in my heart. If I hadn't flirted with her, we wouldn't have kissed, and she wouldn't be in this situation right now. It's all my fault and I never going to forgive myself!