My Life with Death

Interrogation Room, FBI, 935 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington, D.C.

January 29, 2019, 10:15 a.m.

"Can we talk now?" the FBI deputy director asked me. "I know how you feel. I know it's hard for you right now, but..."

I was crying. I sat curled up in a ball on a metal chair. I wiped the tears from my eyes on the sleeves of my T-shirt—make-up left spots on my cheeks and under my eyes.

"If you don't talk to us... it's only going to get worse for you," he announced. "I ask you again. Did you kill Assistant Director Ryan Kent?'

"I didn't kill Kent. I killed the killer. Ryan, my husband, died in a shootout. He died like any other police officer. I shot a murderer, a man who killed many innocent people and wanted to kill me too, and would have killed me if I hadn't shot first."

I was looking down. I was breathing. I was shaking, and I was freezing. I was uncomfortable. Anxiously and painfully.

"What are you talking about?" confused.

It was a memorable and unusual situation. One agent murdered another, an agent who was a murderer, and the husband of the agent who killed him. It was about me and Kent. It was private, but simultaneously, it was all about the FBI. It couldn't just be solved. Law and order had to come into play.

"I was with Kent 24/7," I blurted out. "how come I didn't notice anything?"

"Talk," Agent Sollermann prompted.

"I thought I could see more than the others, but I was wrong," I said excitedly. "but still," I sighed. "I miss you so much. It breaks my heart how much I miss him. It hurts more and more. Why can't I feel better? I did what was right, but I still feel worse. Why? It breaks my heart. I cannot breathe. I miss her so much.'

January 29, 2019, 2:09 p.m.

"...You have been arrested for murder, obstruction of justice, concealment of information, and violation of federal law. However, you are no longer a suspect in the Doll Killer murders. You will be in court in a few days. You will also meet with a psychiatrist who will talk to you and analyze your mental state precisely for the court. If you are found to be incompetent or mentally disturbed, we will place you in a psychiatric hospital indefinitely. You will be under constant scrutiny. You will be ordered to take medication," Agent Sollermann read from the document he was holding.