My Life with Death

Charleston Hills, Charleston, WV, 3:42 p.m.

 We stayed in the car. It was cold, after all. The Rocky Mountains of West Virginia provided us with safety and solitude.

"Then speak! Finally, tell me what's going on?" Zooey pleaded relentlessly. I wanted to say, "You don't know me! You can't judge me.'

She is my sister but has no right to control my life.

"I'm dying...," I blurted out of nowhere. "I am dying..."

I finally said it.

"What?" she stammered. "what do you mean you're dying?"

In the given situation, I had to hold her. In this situation, there was no time to explain the whole story. I had a lot on my mind. I needed to figure out where to start.

She must have suffered a lot—more than me. For me, it was what I was ready for. It became a part of my life.

"If anything happens, please take care of Christine. Take her with you..."

"What are you saying? What about Ryan? It's her father, after all," she wondered.

"I can't tell you anything more now. I don't want to scare you, and I don't want to put you in any danger. I want you to take care of her. Don't ask anything," I said. "I have to go now as quickly as possible. And don't worry, I won't be back..."

I pulled out a folded sheet of paper from my jacket pocket. "Here's everything you need to know... Goodbye..."

I opened the door. Zooey grabbed my hand.

"You can't just leave without telling me. How am I supposed to live knowing that I'm going to lose you like this," sadly with tears in his eyes. "Why are you doing this anyway? All of this? I've never understood why you have this job?'

I took a deep breath. "I'll tell you how I feel at a crime scene. There's that dark atmosphere all around. You can feel her even when you're miles away. It is like a mist that hangs over the victim. I look perhaps too long for death and look for clues.

I am looking for the life story of the person who lies before me. You can't escape it; you can't hide from it. Adrenaline rises. The breath is deep and slow. The smell of rotting flesh is so intense, and everything is silent. It was as if the whole universe had stopped...," I breathed. "I feel that when I do this job, and that's why I love it so much. I'm trying to uncover secrets and bring justice to the victim and her family and friends. I know you can't understand this, but the feeling I get is liberating," I added.

"I'm trying, but I'm worried about you. Look at yourself. You look like a wreck. They shot you. You have to think about your family. You're not alone anymore; you never were. You have to think about others and how you're hurting them when they have to see you lying almost dead in the hospital. I love you, but it's true."

I hugged her. I exited the car and grabbed the gun in my trembling hand. I changed the magazine, grabbed my backpack from the seat, and slammed it behind me.

Zooey rolled down the passenger window.

"Be careful," she called to me. I ran into town. The scar on the side was a bit dragging, but you could walk with it.

I ran onto the main street and continued south. After less than a kilometer, I found a phone at the bus stop. I dropped 35 cents into the machine and dialed Kent's number. I was nervous. I was afraid to talk to him, and at the same time, I wanted to see him and look into his eyes.

"Who's calling?" came the question. "I need to meet you," I said.

"Is that you, Alexis?"

"Ten thirty at the Charier Motel on Charier Avenue in the Palisades," I said.

"Wait, wait. You run away, you disappear, you leave us, and suddenly..."

He didn't even have time to finish when I hung up.

January 8, 2019, 6:12 p.m.

"What I did twenty years ago is nothing compared to what I'm doing now. You don't even know what I made of you. I laugh at you because I made you run away."

- You know who